(C)Rap Music needs a Reboot.

Soooo this whole year I have been trying to bring back regular rap music. Matter of fact, most rap now a days is crap so you could almost call it crap music.  This past year, I have bee running a "Real Hip Hop" Friday on my actual facebook page. I had a good time doing it. 52 weeks, 52 different videos, and it sometimes a few people didn't know that they liked rap music that didn't have drake "The human cupcake" crooning on a beat about how sad he is and the next chick is going to be badder than the last.

I thought it was bad when rap was just about the money, hoes, and clothes.

Music wise, I have been listening to a lot of battle rap on youtube. To be honest, battle rap is slick cool as hell.

Two Guys, basically orating in front of a huge crowed claiming that the other is gay, afraid, broke, unable to satisfy women, on drugs, false claiming gang affiliation, as well as questionable criminal activities. Here are a couple of video's of worth watching. 

Anyway

So rap music these days is missing a serious lack of story telling. Sure, a producer can make a beat. Some new artist can get an established artist on a track and vice versa. Then somebody can pay somebody else to come up with the hook and 

BLAM!!!

That is how a hit is made.

What's missing is the ability to tell a story.

So in no particular order, I am going to share with you all songs and maybe even a few albums that do just that, "Tell a story", consider it my REAL HIP HOP FRIDAY HOLIDAY BLITZ

ALERT!!!ALERT!!!

Taco Day

My favorite track by this female MC. To be honest, this track is more epic and has a better delivery than Eminem's Stan. 

Dance with the devil

One of the first tracks I heard from this artist. I wanna say this song was on the soundtrack from one of the final destination movies. 

Nature of the Threat

Rass Kass killed it on this track. One can sit and argue the historical accuracy all you want, that just means you listened to the song.

Uncommon Valor

R.A. The Rugged Man's verse on this track by itself is one of the top verses from the 2000's

I just can't seem to get into this new rap past anyone not named Hospin So if you know anything that is hot from any where hit a brother up!

KenNitro Vs. The Monster M7 tablet: An Internet First

Best Uncle Award...maybe

Ok, so I bought a tablet for my niece. I mean...she's five, but you know like any good uncle I plan on getting her anything her mom won't. 

So after looking at the box for like a day or so, I started to catch the FOMO

You know, the FOMO..."The Fear Of Missing Out"

So, I broke down and bought a second tablet for ya boy Ken M'fuckin Nitro, cause apparently buying two tablets in one month ain't shit for me.

I don't know how I feel about this...

Anyway, there are not a lot reviews on this product. I mean, there are a bunch of nerd ass bloggers saying the same shit that they got from monster to this thing, but once again(unless you new to my blog)

KenNitro is going to put you up on game.

Suck It Apple

First thing you need to understand is that if you have an android phone the user interface is the same as the Monster M7 tablet. One of the best things about android is the fact that you can make this thing look and do whatever.

The twist is that most people are not creative enough to make a tablet do what it do ya dig?

The sound is good, the screen is amazing, the battery life is the battery life is the usual.

Just like any other android tablet that is on the market.

Let's talk about storage.

You Seen One You Seen Them All

How big is your harddrive is always the question. That is what us rank and file 99%'s are concerned with

whenever we buy anything that is going to help stay connecting to facebook. I mean, my 360 has 120 gigs, my Nexus has 28 gig, my computer has 750gig, this Monster M7 tablet has like...16gigs out the box.

It's all good, I got a old droid phone with a micro SD that Imma just throw up in that dude!

I am surrounded by technology.

I don't know how I feel about this.

So after I get this thing to something respectable I do what you do when you get a new phone. 

You download a bunch of apps that you will only use once or twice.

This is when shit got real.

Good Thing Gas is Only .88 cent a
Gallon

At some part this little box popped up and told me I was running out of  internal space. My first response was 

"FUCKOUTTAHERESON"

Fuck you mean outta space? NASA was sending folks to outta space with like a solar powered calculator an abacus and some crossed fingas hoping that they can land that bitch back in florida.

I remember having a 40gig 7200 rpm hard drive for my computer named "Tyrone" and you couldn't tell me shit. Then I bought another one, and you really couldn't tell me shit! That was back in like 2002.

Now you trying to tell me some shit?

He Sounded Like He Ain't 'Merican
Dat Ain't Right

So you know I thought maybe I didn't do something. So I took the easy route and called tech support and this non 'merican was trying to tell me that the internal storage was 1 gig, and that the other 12. Some shit was for movies, pictures, and what not. Then he went on to tell me how you have to look at the RAM because that is where all the applications are stored, and tried to tell me that it was kinda like a garage and you can put things, but you can only put certain things in certain places and that every tablet is like this and phones are like this too.

Does Your PC even Lift Bro

Look, I am not a computer genius by any means, but even the dumbest dumbass knows that RAM(Random

access memory)has nothing to do with storage, but how fast you get what you want.

You know, like lets take the same lame ass garage analogy and correct it.

Your Computer is Just Like This
Cept, Its All Pr0n and Mp3's

So you have this garage right, and that is where you keep your shit. Lets say you wanted some shit in the back of your garage, but you had to pull all the stuff out of the garage and into the driveway to get to it. If you had a short driveway, but you had the contents of your garage in the driveway you could get to it faster, if you had a BIG and LONG driveway(no homo)you could put all your shit in the driveway and get to it even faster.

That's basically what RAM is...

Madd Space B

I was like, dude, "My phone has never told me anything like that, and I download apps with reckless

abandonment.

See, look at my phone.

I got access to all that shit, and you are telling me that a tablet is different from my phone? You wanna see what the Monster M7 Tablet looking like? 

Fuck You Mean 0.98

What in the AL'Gore's internet is this Nand Flash, and why can't I get to it the way I want too, like how I get to it on my phone? At this point, I am reconsidering gifting this to my niece unitl I get some real answers. First and formost, why is there only one gig available to download apps and 12 gigs for actual music, picture, storage? Why is the Nand Storage not the same as the internal strorage? Why does my SD card seem to not make much of a difference?

Monster, you looking real suspect right now, and that Nexus is looking real sweet naymsayin, a nicca might have to cozy up on dat thing, you know...

Unless yall get ya shit together...

The Son of Hogzilla or Halal Nawwww: The Heart Attack Special

You wanna do something interesting with food, wrap it in bacon.

I learned that lesson a while back when I made the Bacon Explosion. That was probably top three of the best worst decisions I have ever made, if you want to read about that before you get into this pimpin right here, it's here. The current being my current work situation. Turns out, I think as long as I never finish the current blog about the facility I can pump up the normal goodness.

Anyway.

Best Thing EVA!!!

The bacon explosion was a heart attack. Seriously, I think the only thing that keep me from having a heart attack was simply my athletic ability. I ate this thing between wheat bread and I could feel my heart working harder. I even felt a tingling in my right arm.

'

I slowed down.

Good thing too. See, what I discovered was that it isn't all about wrapping things in bacon, but you can wrap bacon around sausage and be on some next level shit. Just saying, if you ever want to go straight to sleep make the bacon explosion, your welcome.

So while out and about, Me and the Homie Sagui(pronouced Sag-we) decided we wanted to recreate the epicness of our luther burger incident but make it STANKY.

I mentioned this burger I had up in Minnesota with my favorite Laura and she put me on to this burger called the juicy lucy. To the normal person this was an inverted cheese burger where the first bite was just as awesome as the last. How is that even possible? 

If you don't know what a "Luther Burger" is, you gon learn today! See this culinary left hook has a past wrapped in mystery, but when it is presented in front of you, your future involves a couch or a bed, and at least 120 minutes of slumber. Seriously, the sweetness of the doughnuts mixed with the savory of well seasoned burgers is enough to send you over the edge by itself. However we knew we could not do "Juicy Lucy's" and "Luther Burgers" one after another, that would be asking for heart failure.

Ok....If you really don't know just what these two things are, I am going to use the power of youtube to show you

As told by everyone's favorite revolutionary's grand dad

Midwest Swing

Ok, I am just being dramatic, we really just didn't have the time to do both.

So we decided that we were going to make "Juicy Lucy Luther Burgers", but that was not "H.A.M" enough, we had to step it up a notch, so you know what we did?

We wrapped those bitches in bacon.

What happend after that was pure magic.

See I wasn't really up on the culinary trends concerning burgers. See, I like my burgers how I like my women, simple. So when some new technique shows up on the prep, which requires a burger to be made in the oven versus the pan or grill, I give a side eye.

Cause....that's meatloaf basically right? I mean, you took too handfuls of meat and you handled that shit, but one can't be bigger than the other. Then, you fashion a little meat pocket and stuff it with whatever, we were using chunks of cheese, then you use the smaller meat to cover the larger meat...no homo.

What You KNOW Bout BURNT SUGAR

So Sagui decided that doughnuts are not enough, we had to grill them bitches. That alone was a game changer. See I though I was on some new shit when I made the peanut butter bacon sandwich.

No.

Get you some doughnuts, get you a grill pan, and get them grill marks on them shits.

Your're welcome.

So we took, the bacon weave that we made, place the meat monstrosity in the middle of it and then we crossed our fingers that we didn't have a blow out. 

Thing was, it was still missing something. Something to bring it all home, you know...the triple sec of food. The one food item that has a place at every meal.

Eggs.

A poached egg at that!

So the end result was a bacon wrapped juicy lucy in between two grilled doughnuts with a poached egg on top. When I tell you that was the best burger I have eaten, I say that with no ego. If you don't believe me, make it and holla at me. 

So we ate it, and washed it down with chocolate milk.

I slept for about 2 hours and I am almost certain that it took two days for my body to digest it.

Good Times, Good Food, and Great People.

End Scene(don't worry, the bacon didn't survive either)

KenNitro Vs The Facility: Snakes of The Snake Variety

I was driving on the way to work today, and I came to the conclusion that I needed to do something different. It dawned on me that I needed to learn how to do something that I didn't already know how to do.

Pass the buck.

Cause, truth be told, you can pass the buck or get thrown under the bus.

See, that is the subject matter of a soon to be written "Congruency of The Damned" blog(coming soon).

Let me tell you what happened.

So I am coming in the office, doing my end of the night stuff, and I see this thing squirming around on the ground. I was like, "That looks like a snake"

OH SHIT, THAT'S A SNAKE.

This Picture Posted cause Sex Sells

So I ain't even gonna lie, I was half tempted to pick it up and walk it outside, then one of my coworkers say's

"Hey Ken, you know baby snakes are more dangerous than adult snakes cause they will release all their venom at once".

FUCK!

Well there goes my plan.

Then he say's, "Oh, and they can lunge the length of their body"

I started to be like, "Well that's not true", then I realize the punchline to my new favorite joke. 

Wanna hear it?

What's the difference between a person with a contrary attitude and a person with a contrary attitude that is knowledgeable about any given situation? Nothing, they are both douche bags.

Next Level Babysitting Technique

Two of my best ideas are easily the worst idea ever, and you know they say always go with your best idea. 

So I keep calm and dump a hygiene box full of hygine stuff and stack that and cover the snake with it and then place an even heavier bin on top of it. 

Now I can finally think.

I seriously had half a mind to leave all of that in the office and let 3rd or even 1st shift handle it. I mean, it's not like I haven't come to work to have to deal with something that someone else could have taken care of...

Whoa!

Save it for later.

So this little fucker was all kinds of pissed, I mean it was hissing,lunging, doing all kinds of snake shit so I slide the bin and the snake out of my office. After I took a picture of me doing what I just described.

Full Mount on a Snake

Seriously, we live in a world where people document every single aspect of their insignificant lives to share with the world. Tyler Durden said, "You are not a unique snowflower" I am saying that no one cares about the meal you ate at this restaurant that yelp gave "$$$" out of 5. No one cares that you got some drink that is garnished with fruit all pretty like, and you know what ladies

That hand at the hip pose is really, really, getting old.

So, halfway from getting the snake out of "MY" office, I realized that I probably should keep the snake. I mean, I bet if this snake was in my office no one would have stolen my phone charger.

Check those Cocain White
Kicks

Yeah I still feel some sort of way about it. 

Anyway so I finally get the snake almost to the door, and it is actually photo time again. The difference between this one and the last one is that this is my victory pose on this beast. Not to be confused with my conquering pose on the other one. 

I get the snake out of the building, no one gets bit by a pissed off venom filled snake, and I looked good doing it.

After the two weeks I have had, I needed to deal with a regular ol snake in the grass, and not the metaphorical one.

Oh, and I found a video that pretty much sums the entire 25 minute fiasco, I mean...you know I had to do it

Pro Wrestling...it's so Gay Orrrrrr We're Here, We're Queer, First you have to care, then get over it(as it relates to pro wrestling)

So not too long ago, a pro basketball player comes out as being gay, and I think somebody cared. I mean, don't get me wrong, I think it's awesome that he would come out and say to the world, "Hey, I'm into dudes" but you know what I think. 

I think it's just a power move.

Ok, before all you activist start cracking your fingers to type something activey(real word, I just made it up). Think about it. This dude was/is a mediocre basketball player at best. So what do you do when your contract is up and you could be cut and I suppose you got to get back to the real world....

Hell, I would come out the closet too(no homo).

Seriously, who would fire a guy who just came out the closet? Not anybody that wants to have the masses setting up camp in the digital space and form a virtual picket line. So you know what you do, you make the smart move.

Keep them around for a year, and if he can't put points in the paint, trade his ass to the European leagues.

Anyway so tell you the truth, I give two shits about anybody's sexual preference. I could be wrong for that in the short run, but as it relates to pro wrestling...There has been so much "gay" in wrestling since the 40's.

WOOOOOO!

I'm not going to go through the catalog of wrestlers with questionable sexuality, keep in mind by questionable I mean ambiguous. After all, pro wrestling has always been about characters, and a lot of times these characters were maintained more than the real life of the actual person. So in terms of GAY

Oh yeah, pro wrestling is rampant with "Teh Gay"

Take, this guy. Johnie B. Badd was a guy that wore make-up, looked like Little Richard. His finishing move was called, "The Kiss That Don't Miss" and he even had little stickers made of hearts that he would place on downed opponents.

The Genius was another gimmick that while he was not so outwardly flamboyant like Johnnie b. Badd, he was still on the other side of masculine, which in wrestling terms...GAY.

Lady Gaga's Dad

Probably the most notorious gay gimmick had to have been golddust. This guy wore a gold body suit, essentially sexually harassed other wrestlers during the match and his entrance was really, really, really uncomfortable. 

Then you had Chuck and Billy, they took their gimmick to new heights and even had a wedding ceremony. I mean, c'mon this was back in 2002. I mean, watch it. If it was anything, it was progressive. Even the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation got all butt hurt over the situation, by situation they were hoping that Chuck and Billy actually would come out as being gay, but there is two problems. The first being that and actual civic organization honestly thought that their input on an angle would be taken serious, and the second is that Chuck Palumbo and Monty Kipp Sopp(Billy Gunn) were not gay in the first place. Oh you do know wrestling is not...

"Tag Team" Partners For Life

It's still real to me Dammit!!!

Mr. No Days Off

So I say all this to say that Darren Young, "Mr. No Days Off" coming out to TMZ that he is gay is really boring to me. I mean larger outlets didn't want the story, The WWE set up the press conference in the first place, and most importantly

Darren Young, is one step up from a Jobber(you know, the guy that always loses), and the tag team he is in is no where near getting a push for the tag team. In short, the prime time playaz aren't a real factor in the tag team division. So I honestly feel like He came out because he might be getting those walking papers. 

Is that unforgivable?  

Seriously, if he was a even a top mid card guy there would be enough buzz to actually use his sexuality to push him into the top tier, but because he is bottom at best(see what I did right there) he is going to probably win a few house matches and that's about it. I think if he would spend more time working on honing his craft and not telling TMZ, he would have some real job security. No wrestling fan is going to think he is getting black balled by the WWE, because he does not have the actual talent...

You know, like the homie Roderick Strong

Hell, if I were him, I would use it. Pro Wrestling is kind of like southpark in a way, because they can take whatever that is popular in pop culture and turn it into satire real quick. On average it takes a south park episode 2 weeks to be produced, and WWE is live almost 100 days out of the year.

The New Harlem Heat, Said No One
EVER!!!!!

Imagine this, Prime Time Playaz goes through a rough spot, losing a bunch of matches(Hell they already do that), then Titus and Darren are arguing, because Titus feels some sort of way about the fact that he had to find out he was gay through TMZ of all things(putting TMZ over in the process), They split. Darren is on the search for a new tag team partner, and still losing. Titus speaks with a number of superstars and they tell him that it's all good or some shit. Then Darren Young and his no name tag team partner wrestle the shield, the no name guy gets knocked out. Titus comes out the back, hot tags in, and they make the come back, the shield gets disqualified cause Dean Ambrose interferes. The crowd goes wild. Every wrestling fans enjoys a started from the bottom to the top story that does not include John Cena

Realistically, they will never beat the shield head up...see what they did to the ROCK?

It's still real to me dammit

The Lost Art of the Wingman Part Deux: The Mythical Wingwoman

Nowadays people believe anything
they read on the internet.

BOOM!!! We back in here. Ok, if you missed out on the first part you can find it here. Let me start out by saying this:

In all honesty you can substitute the words "Female" and "Wingman" with words like "Easter bunny" and "Santa Claus" and "unicorn"

Cause you know...either way

I would still be talking about something that doesn't exist. 

Yeah I said it.

Seriously, I don't even know why I am going to put 700 and some words to the subject, however, I am going to address then hopefully men around the world will let go of this childish notion that having a woman with you will get you laid by other women faster and more efficiently than a well organized 2 or 3 man team with one single goal in mind. TO WIN!!!! 

What can happen is that other women may find you more attractive when they see you with a female that is also attractive, it's got something to do with women's innate sense of competition and stuff. This goes all the way back to tribal societies and what not. Think about it, back in the day motherfuckers use to go hunting and shit.

They would all work together and take down a water buffalo, lion, wild boar, T-rex, or whatever they could chuck a spear at. The men would show up and share the kill and start embellish stories about how they actually killed whatever that got speared to death with their bare hands.

you speared it, but I chopped it's clavical causing
a heart attack...your spear did some damage too, bro

Women on the other hand gathered berries, nuts, and all kinds of shit and that is what you ate when you didn't have any brontosaurus burgers to eat.

Cave men didn't bring women on the hunt for the same reason that you don't bring women to the bar to pick up chicks.

That shit is confusing?

Seriously, if you show up to any spot with an attractive female on your arm everyone is going to assume you are their with them. Females may give you a second look, but it ain't the "oh, let me go jump his bones cause he got strong 7 with him", it is that judgemental look women have when a chick comes in wearing the wrong kind of .

Fact is, if you are running the Female Wingman you are by yourself out there in the cold. You might have the ability to insert yourself into her group conversation that she will get into with other people, but you still got to put the work in. 

this would have to be real for me to
put a caption under it

The whole idea that this chick is going to walk you into a bar, the two of you have a few drinks and pick another chick and then she walks over and convinces her to go home and do the grown up with you...cause she said so.

No.

Fact is, if you got a chick that is down to go to the bar with you on the regular and she isn't trying to go home with some other dude, but is hanging with you, and your intention is trying to get laid, you might need to adjust your angle cause the answer is right in front of you!!!!

I really don't know how else to put it.

Women will not get you laid.

Women will on the other hand cosign you laying their friends, but even then. 

It's not about you.

The cosign is simply to assure chick 1 that chick 2 isn't going to think she is a slut for going/bringing home you to do the grown-up.

REAL(CLAP)TALK(CLAP)

Ok, so I can't lie. I have been out here field testing my brand and I will say that the female wingman does exist.

Just not the way women or men generally like to believe it.

Female wingmen are not wingmen per se, but a weapon to be deployed at a moments notice that can and will change the direction of battle. Women are tactical nuclear missiles, and the proper deployment of woman as a weapon to "Win" with other women is what separates the men from the boys fellas.

Game CHANGER right here folks

The good news is that women that accept this role, are eager to please because who doesn't feel a sense of accomplishment when they can start of any sentence with, "If it wasn't for me" Also, women are really quick to "bitch Up" with a chick and become BFF's when there is a gender inequality and no competition is happening. That's when the tactical nuke goes off!

You still haven't won, but you do have some more time on the clock cause your double agent BFF has just convinced her to not go home and to hang with her, while she is hanging with you, so you can put her in a position to cosign any behavior.

"Planning this shit all day? I been planning this shit all WEEK"(name the movie, and actor)

Not for nothing, "doesn't matter still had sex" is still the one line that sums up any damable situation that ended in sex, but there is a difference between "Pitty" sex and "Winning" sex

I mean, doesn't matter still had sex...I'm just saying.

Halal No you didn’t or…This little piggy got GOT!!!!

I saw some shit online that was epic. I mean normally my Tuesdays are always about epic mealtime and getting having some sort of fun while waiting on church night with my peoples(church is a metaphor). Now my nights may not always be epic, but they do always start with dinner.

Generally, dinner is either pizza or sushi(not at the same time). It’s quick, easy, and with pizza I generally have some food left for the post drinking action or maybe even the next day.

The Best Weaves are Made of Bacon

Tonight is something different.

I saw this thing on youtube called the  “bacon explosion” it is basically a heart attack wrapped in bacon,

And I need this in my life.

Get Creative, Next Time I am Using More
Sausage.

So I went to the grocery jump off and got me some bacon, I went and spent a little bit of bread on it and got the thick cut. I think that was best decision.  Actually making the bacon weave was pretty easy, I was surprised at how easy it was to get this sexy thing made. If you don’t like the way pork looks I don’t know what to tell you.

Now, the next part opens up the lane for some personal decision making. Some people call for 2lbs of sausage or a kilo if you aren’t from ‘Merica(Pew Pew Pew Pew). I live by myself so I figured a pound of sausage is enough for me. I once ate a pound of deer sausage and was not even the slightest bit apologetic.

No homo.

The youtube video calls for some bbq seasoning, but you know I was kinda gentle with it. I mean, there is a

lot of salt in this monstrosity. I then added some cheese cause…well I can’t think of any situation where cheese and or a fried egg is a bad idea so there you go.

Sleep, So You Shall Be PERFECT

Then I put that bitch in the oven.

I got some bread for the delivery device. I figure regular bread just won’t due. In the video they had some can biscuits, but I can’t lie

I don’t do can biscuits….

Seriously, I mean if you put them in front of me and I don’t have any other options, I will eat them. I mean, if you are cooking me breakfast and you make them, I will eat them. I mean, I ain’t gonna throw them shits on the floor and be like, “Biiiiitttcccch, you tryin’ to catch a beat down”.  

The fucked up part is that I can’t make a biscuit to save yo life.

Fact is, if someone put a gun to your head and was like, “KenNitro, if you want to save this , you gonna have to make some serious biscuits!!!

You a dead muthafucka.

Anywhoo, this is my dinner tonight. I know you are jealous. I know you are all planning on making this around the world.

That'll do Pig, That'll do

Lost Art of The Wingman Part 1: Do You Even Know What a Wingman is, Bro?

Whatever you do, DO SOMETHING!

Navigating the dating scene is like having a compass in the dark with no flashlight. There are so many different ways you can go about WINNING, one can be confused about which right way is the best way. One thing remains true, from human’s humble beginnings in caves to massive multiplayer online games

Teamwork makes the dream work.

There was a time when two bro’s could hit the scene and get all the cream there was to get, and high five the entire time. There was a time where men would run defense so their bro could make a play. The wingman was more than just situational, it was an honor. That’s shit over, charge it to the game. One of the greatest acts of wingmaning ever caught on film was this scene right here.

See, this right here is what it is all about. I'll be damned if Five doesn't get you Ten with teamwork like that.

So how did we lose the art of the wingman?

I’ll tell you when, we lost the art when men decided to use the phrase “bro’s before hoe’s” as just a phrase and not a part of the code of ethics governing male bonding rituals and appropriate man to man relationships. For instance,

There is real magic in this phrase.

if you invoke bro’s before hoe’s just because you as a man are jealous of your homey’s situation with his lady, you’re doing it wrong bro. If you are invoking bro’s before hoe’s because you are gravy in your situation and you just don’t like the chick your homey is kicking it with, you’re doing it wrong bro. If you being offensive to chicks your homey brings around, and then he stops bringing them around, and you invoke bro’s before hoe’s

You guessed it, you’re doing it wrong.

self explaintory

See, the above mentioned is hating.  Hating has become such an epidemic in our society that we have begun to think that we need haters in our lives to validate the fact that we are livin!

What kind of shit is that?

But I digress, a brotha dealing with some other shit these days.

Anyway

When did it become cool for a man to break in on someone else’s program over a chick in the first place? When was it ok for a man to offer up info on another man that is going to adversely affect his pimpin? I don’t know, I can’t even call it.

Hell man, with that kind of heat in your circle I can see how individuals start backing away from the code and doing work on their own all together.  Then of course, women in the media are always trying to play up the whole, “confidence” factor. Coming up with new ways of approaching women that all go in this direction

See a chick you like, roll up on them, hit’em with some sort of line. The line varies depending on a number of variables. Then if that works you invite them on some sort of no pressure excursion and hopefully, it works out for you.( ß 60 % of the time it works 100%)

See, the thing is women are already up on game.

It Can Be Done, But It Ain't No Fun...

Women rarely roll solo, and if they do, there is some wishy ass dude waiting on stand-by ready to get fish hooked to stop your advance. Gone are the days of being able to show up in the spot and pull chicks that you don’t know out of their situations and into yours without some help from your wingman.  Your wingman was your bro. Your Billy to his Jimmy lee, Han Solo and Chewbacca, Beautiful Bobby Eaton and Sweet Stan Lane, your success was his success and the reverse is also correct.

One Of the Best EVA!!!

Wingman skill sets  can come in different varieties, but the fact is that somewhere on this trip men collectively decided that it would be better to get a laugh out of seeing our bro’s fail instead of making the dream work. That’s just a damn shame, and we all know someone that is that guy.

So let’s get started, but let’s work in reverse for a second and go over what wingman-ing isn’t. It is just as important to know “What it ain’t” as well as “what it is” ya dig?

First, it ain’t the wingman’s job to bring you the pussy, and put it on your plate. Many a dudes have come up asking me to hook them up with some chicks, just like that.

“Hey Ken, can you hook me up with some chicks?”

Get the fuck outta here with that shit! Dudes these days are under the impression that chicks are just DTF off the rip(down to fuck for the uninformed).  News flash, just cause your mans ‘andem got it like that with a crew of females does not mean that they are down to fuck at a drop of a dime or  more importantly, that they are down to fuck YOU at a drop of a dime. Take yo thirsty ass elsewhere with that.

And even if they were and did, they not inviting you to the party for the simple fact that you’re asking to come.

Second, a wingman is not your bomb dismantling device. This can be a little confusing, see there is a difference between your homeboy backing your play on the double date and you knowingly knowing that the chicks friend is the B.U.F.F.*

This is BROTHERHOOD

See, you wrong for that! With holding info is already not the move, expecting your homeboy to stick around after there has been visual confirmation on the BUFF, you asking for too much. To blame your homeboy cause you didn’t get laid, because he didn’t keep some B.U.F.F occupied, you need to have ya ass beat.

Twice.

Now if you told your wingman that this was the deal and he ends up in a situation with a B.U.F.F that he can’t get out of well…that’s why we have man night, to laugh and talk about such things!

Third, the wingman is not your whipping boy. This pisses me off more than unknowingly being placed in the  bomb dismantler position. See, after the fact, bomb dismantling is fun. Hell if you roll with a crew of folks and if you all don't have a story that y'all laugh about involving "Taking One For The Team", "Diving on Grenades" and so forth and so on, I may have to call shenanigans on the existence of you all as a crew all together. 

See what you have to understand is this,hating on your homeboy in an effort to make yourself look like a BOSS in front of some chick/s, is the utter definition of a DICK MOVE.  Don’t get me wrong, the story about how your homeboy bent a fat chick over and went to town during karaoke or even the same homeboy letting fat chicks rub all over his chest at karaoke while singing “I want you to want me", being told is ok. Why is that shit is ok? Cause it is funny before it is offensive, and as long as he is laughing you haven’t crossed any lines. 

What is not and by not I mean never ok is making your homeboy look bad or set him up for the okey doke so you can appear to be clever. 

  For instance, there was this one night where me and some people were out and about. This dude was trying so hard to get these chicks to notice him, he actually resorted to asking me questions just to cut me off and throw it back to the chick that wasn't interested in him in the first place to answer, acting as though he valued her opinion so much as to cut off your's truly!!!!!

 As if she would be impressed at a man’s ability to be a DICK.

FUCKOUTTAHEREWITDAT SON!!!!

Can't Win If You Don't Play

Now I’m sure I can go even further and establish some other behaviors, but you get the point. Fact is even if you have a wingman, you still got to get into the fight, you still have to acquire your target, and you have to take a shot.

Otherwise your wingman is going to hit you with a reversal.

While we can talk about what being a wingman’s job isn’t all day long. Sometimes your wingman is doing too much. Doing too much is a lot like not doing anything at all, because it will all achieve the same outcome.

FAILURE

A wingman that is doing too much is not THE MOVE at all.

It's Only Cool For a Second

When a wingman is doing too much, it looks more like competition than co-operation. They start to think of how they can get ahead instead of how we can all win. Now, I am not going to sit here and say that I have never competed against another man or men for a woman, I am not even saying that I will not in the future. What I am saying is that if you and a man that you would call brother are competing over the same chick, you all both run the serious risk of losing everything, all at once. On top of all that, the both of you end up giving this chick the big head. See, every woman was to be competed over, but no woman wants to be some  prize to be won. So you start competing in public with your bro, you both will lose, and she will be queen of sheba...at least for the night.

This is just going to get your feet wet, part two we are going to look at what makes a good wingman, and some factors to consider, and we will touch base on the "fabled female wingman" or would it be a "wingperson". Hell to be honest, when did men need other women to pick up women in the first place? 

Oh, so if you are into the other elements of social media add me on instagram @KenNitro.

*B.U.F.F. is a term I picked up from a female friend of mind that means “Butt Ugly Fat Friend”. Don’t get mad at me, women are always supporting each other when I am talking shit, so if a chick tells me some shit that is degrading to women on any level, I am taking it and running with it.