KenNitro Vs The Facility: Snakes of The Snake Variety

I was driving on the way to work today, and I came to the conclusion that I needed to do something different. It dawned on me that I needed to learn how to do something that I didn't already know how to do.

Pass the buck.

Cause, truth be told, you can pass the buck or get thrown under the bus.

See, that is the subject matter of a soon to be written "Congruency of The Damned" blog(coming soon).

Let me tell you what happened.

So I am coming in the office, doing my end of the night stuff, and I see this thing squirming around on the ground. I was like, "That looks like a snake"

OH SHIT, THAT'S A SNAKE.

This Picture Posted cause Sex Sells

So I ain't even gonna lie, I was half tempted to pick it up and walk it outside, then one of my coworkers say's

"Hey Ken, you know baby snakes are more dangerous than adult snakes cause they will release all their venom at once".

FUCK!

Well there goes my plan.

Then he say's, "Oh, and they can lunge the length of their body"

I started to be like, "Well that's not true", then I realize the punchline to my new favorite joke. 

Wanna hear it?

What's the difference between a person with a contrary attitude and a person with a contrary attitude that is knowledgeable about any given situation? Nothing, they are both douche bags.

Next Level Babysitting Technique

Two of my best ideas are easily the worst idea ever, and you know they say always go with your best idea. 

So I keep calm and dump a hygiene box full of hygine stuff and stack that and cover the snake with it and then place an even heavier bin on top of it. 

Now I can finally think.

I seriously had half a mind to leave all of that in the office and let 3rd or even 1st shift handle it. I mean, it's not like I haven't come to work to have to deal with something that someone else could have taken care of...

Whoa!

Save it for later.

So this little fucker was all kinds of pissed, I mean it was hissing,lunging, doing all kinds of snake shit so I slide the bin and the snake out of my office. After I took a picture of me doing what I just described.

Full Mount on a Snake

Seriously, we live in a world where people document every single aspect of their insignificant lives to share with the world. Tyler Durden said, "You are not a unique snowflower" I am saying that no one cares about the meal you ate at this restaurant that yelp gave "$$$" out of 5. No one cares that you got some drink that is garnished with fruit all pretty like, and you know what ladies

That hand at the hip pose is really, really, getting old.

So, halfway from getting the snake out of "MY" office, I realized that I probably should keep the snake. I mean, I bet if this snake was in my office no one would have stolen my phone charger.

Check those Cocain White
Kicks

Yeah I still feel some sort of way about it. 

Anyway so I finally get the snake almost to the door, and it is actually photo time again. The difference between this one and the last one is that this is my victory pose on this beast. Not to be confused with my conquering pose on the other one. 

I get the snake out of the building, no one gets bit by a pissed off venom filled snake, and I looked good doing it.

After the two weeks I have had, I needed to deal with a regular ol snake in the grass, and not the metaphorical one.

Oh, and I found a video that pretty much sums the entire 25 minute fiasco, I mean...you know I had to do it

Pro Wrestling...it's so Gay Orrrrrr We're Here, We're Queer, First you have to care, then get over it(as it relates to pro wrestling)

So not too long ago, a pro basketball player comes out as being gay, and I think somebody cared. I mean, don't get me wrong, I think it's awesome that he would come out and say to the world, "Hey, I'm into dudes" but you know what I think. 

I think it's just a power move.

Ok, before all you activist start cracking your fingers to type something activey(real word, I just made it up). Think about it. This dude was/is a mediocre basketball player at best. So what do you do when your contract is up and you could be cut and I suppose you got to get back to the real world....

Hell, I would come out the closet too(no homo).

Seriously, who would fire a guy who just came out the closet? Not anybody that wants to have the masses setting up camp in the digital space and form a virtual picket line. So you know what you do, you make the smart move.

Keep them around for a year, and if he can't put points in the paint, trade his ass to the European leagues.

Anyway so tell you the truth, I give two shits about anybody's sexual preference. I could be wrong for that in the short run, but as it relates to pro wrestling...There has been so much "gay" in wrestling since the 40's.

WOOOOOO!

I'm not going to go through the catalog of wrestlers with questionable sexuality, keep in mind by questionable I mean ambiguous. After all, pro wrestling has always been about characters, and a lot of times these characters were maintained more than the real life of the actual person. So in terms of GAY

Oh yeah, pro wrestling is rampant with "Teh Gay"

Take, this guy. Johnie B. Badd was a guy that wore make-up, looked like Little Richard. His finishing move was called, "The Kiss That Don't Miss" and he even had little stickers made of hearts that he would place on downed opponents.

The Genius was another gimmick that while he was not so outwardly flamboyant like Johnnie b. Badd, he was still on the other side of masculine, which in wrestling terms...GAY.

Lady Gaga's Dad

Probably the most notorious gay gimmick had to have been golddust. This guy wore a gold body suit, essentially sexually harassed other wrestlers during the match and his entrance was really, really, really uncomfortable. 

Then you had Chuck and Billy, they took their gimmick to new heights and even had a wedding ceremony. I mean, c'mon this was back in 2002. I mean, watch it. If it was anything, it was progressive. Even the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation got all butt hurt over the situation, by situation they were hoping that Chuck and Billy actually would come out as being gay, but there is two problems. The first being that and actual civic organization honestly thought that their input on an angle would be taken serious, and the second is that Chuck Palumbo and Monty Kipp Sopp(Billy Gunn) were not gay in the first place. Oh you do know wrestling is not...

"Tag Team" Partners For Life

It's still real to me Dammit!!!

Mr. No Days Off

So I say all this to say that Darren Young, "Mr. No Days Off" coming out to TMZ that he is gay is really boring to me. I mean larger outlets didn't want the story, The WWE set up the press conference in the first place, and most importantly

Darren Young, is one step up from a Jobber(you know, the guy that always loses), and the tag team he is in is no where near getting a push for the tag team. In short, the prime time playaz aren't a real factor in the tag team division. So I honestly feel like He came out because he might be getting those walking papers. 

Is that unforgivable?  

Seriously, if he was a even a top mid card guy there would be enough buzz to actually use his sexuality to push him into the top tier, but because he is bottom at best(see what I did right there) he is going to probably win a few house matches and that's about it. I think if he would spend more time working on honing his craft and not telling TMZ, he would have some real job security. No wrestling fan is going to think he is getting black balled by the WWE, because he does not have the actual talent...

You know, like the homie Roderick Strong

Hell, if I were him, I would use it. Pro Wrestling is kind of like southpark in a way, because they can take whatever that is popular in pop culture and turn it into satire real quick. On average it takes a south park episode 2 weeks to be produced, and WWE is live almost 100 days out of the year.

The New Harlem Heat, Said No One
EVER!!!!!

Imagine this, Prime Time Playaz goes through a rough spot, losing a bunch of matches(Hell they already do that), then Titus and Darren are arguing, because Titus feels some sort of way about the fact that he had to find out he was gay through TMZ of all things(putting TMZ over in the process), They split. Darren is on the search for a new tag team partner, and still losing. Titus speaks with a number of superstars and they tell him that it's all good or some shit. Then Darren Young and his no name tag team partner wrestle the shield, the no name guy gets knocked out. Titus comes out the back, hot tags in, and they make the come back, the shield gets disqualified cause Dean Ambrose interferes. The crowd goes wild. Every wrestling fans enjoys a started from the bottom to the top story that does not include John Cena

Realistically, they will never beat the shield head up...see what they did to the ROCK?

It's still real to me dammit

The Lost Art of the Wingman Part Deux: The Mythical Wingwoman

Nowadays people believe anything
they read on the internet.

BOOM!!! We back in here. Ok, if you missed out on the first part you can find it here. Let me start out by saying this:

In all honesty you can substitute the words "Female" and "Wingman" with words like "Easter bunny" and "Santa Claus" and "unicorn"

Cause you know...either way

I would still be talking about something that doesn't exist. 

Yeah I said it.

Seriously, I don't even know why I am going to put 700 and some words to the subject, however, I am going to address then hopefully men around the world will let go of this childish notion that having a woman with you will get you laid by other women faster and more efficiently than a well organized 2 or 3 man team with one single goal in mind. TO WIN!!!! 

What can happen is that other women may find you more attractive when they see you with a female that is also attractive, it's got something to do with women's innate sense of competition and stuff. This goes all the way back to tribal societies and what not. Think about it, back in the day motherfuckers use to go hunting and shit.

They would all work together and take down a water buffalo, lion, wild boar, T-rex, or whatever they could chuck a spear at. The men would show up and share the kill and start embellish stories about how they actually killed whatever that got speared to death with their bare hands.

you speared it, but I chopped it's clavical causing
a heart attack...your spear did some damage too, bro

Women on the other hand gathered berries, nuts, and all kinds of shit and that is what you ate when you didn't have any brontosaurus burgers to eat.

Cave men didn't bring women on the hunt for the same reason that you don't bring women to the bar to pick up chicks.

That shit is confusing?

Seriously, if you show up to any spot with an attractive female on your arm everyone is going to assume you are their with them. Females may give you a second look, but it ain't the "oh, let me go jump his bones cause he got strong 7 with him", it is that judgemental look women have when a chick comes in wearing the wrong kind of .

Fact is, if you are running the Female Wingman you are by yourself out there in the cold. You might have the ability to insert yourself into her group conversation that she will get into with other people, but you still got to put the work in. 

this would have to be real for me to
put a caption under it

The whole idea that this chick is going to walk you into a bar, the two of you have a few drinks and pick another chick and then she walks over and convinces her to go home and do the grown up with you...cause she said so.

No.

Fact is, if you got a chick that is down to go to the bar with you on the regular and she isn't trying to go home with some other dude, but is hanging with you, and your intention is trying to get laid, you might need to adjust your angle cause the answer is right in front of you!!!!

I really don't know how else to put it.

Women will not get you laid.

Women will on the other hand cosign you laying their friends, but even then. 

It's not about you.

The cosign is simply to assure chick 1 that chick 2 isn't going to think she is a slut for going/bringing home you to do the grown-up.

REAL(CLAP)TALK(CLAP)

Ok, so I can't lie. I have been out here field testing my brand and I will say that the female wingman does exist.

Just not the way women or men generally like to believe it.

Female wingmen are not wingmen per se, but a weapon to be deployed at a moments notice that can and will change the direction of battle. Women are tactical nuclear missiles, and the proper deployment of woman as a weapon to "Win" with other women is what separates the men from the boys fellas.

Game CHANGER right here folks

The good news is that women that accept this role, are eager to please because who doesn't feel a sense of accomplishment when they can start of any sentence with, "If it wasn't for me" Also, women are really quick to "bitch Up" with a chick and become BFF's when there is a gender inequality and no competition is happening. That's when the tactical nuke goes off!

You still haven't won, but you do have some more time on the clock cause your double agent BFF has just convinced her to not go home and to hang with her, while she is hanging with you, so you can put her in a position to cosign any behavior.

"Planning this shit all day? I been planning this shit all WEEK"(name the movie, and actor)

Not for nothing, "doesn't matter still had sex" is still the one line that sums up any damable situation that ended in sex, but there is a difference between "Pitty" sex and "Winning" sex

I mean, doesn't matter still had sex...I'm just saying.