Where did 2010 go?

No seriously, it seems like I just wrote this blog yesterday.

Read it if you like, but the best part is this:

"Anyway, I just try to be better than what I was before, good or evil, I want to be better at it than before."

I did start learning a new instrument...

I do believe that I have been a better person, but I don't really know what that means past doing good deeds? This year, I have cast out, let in, sinned, forgave, been forgiven, pushed and shoved, hustled, created and destroyed.

I would like to say that it is all in the name of forward progress, but I don't know. Lately, in the last few instances that I have been angry which have been less than five times, I see myself compartmentalizing all of it, and never really purging myself of the actual reason I am angry. I use to think that I needed that, this angst that keeps me on edge.

The proverbial hare in front of the hounds

Anyway, this year has been interesting enough, the good parts of it are

I have a job that I am good at

I have my own apartment

I have my health

I have some of the best friends ever

I think therefore I am

I think I will own 2011

I am going own 2011

RANT

Sometimes I really don't think I am cut out for this job...

I have patience, as a matter of fact I spent a good part of my life learning that through the lessons taught at the Southeast Martial Arts Center, I generally feel as though in my personal life I weigh my options and make a decision based on what I want and what I can deal with and I roll with it. I have worked at my job(I work with kids facing obstacles) for a little less than a year and I am hear to tell you.

TEACHERS NEED TO GET PAID LIKE PRO ATHLETES.

I spend the better part of the day observing kids and taking notes, seeing patterns of behaviors and learning what makes them tick. I feel like if I can tell you something that is pretty much the real truth about the education. There are two types of kids sitting in the desk in any class room

The kids that want to learn and the kids that don't.

As much as I hate sweeping generalizations, this is what boils to the top.

I'm not talking about the kids that have a hard time getting through lessons, they are truly deserving of help, I am talking about the kids who actively seek to disrupt the learning of others, for no reason other than the fact that they themselves do not want to learn.

Truth is, they want no part of the world we are looking to prepare them for. We are wasting their time and fooling ourselves into thinking that we can change a child's mind who does not want to do good at all, and desires to be rewarded for mediocrity.

Immortal technique has a line in his song, "Dance With The Devil"

"...Ask a nigga doing life, if he had another chance, but then there is always the wicked that knew in advance..."

Honestly, I hate the whole "Label Theory" but Jesus Christ on a cracker, if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, it damn sure ain't a T-rex.

I guess what I am saying is that sometimes treatment is not the answer, but jail is.

There Are Only Three Types of Men Out There (as it relates to women)

I like to write about relationships and people and I like to think that I call things pretty down the middle. My uncle always told me, “To thy own self be true”. I always thought that was some stuff he would say to me to keep me from telling a lie to him, but as I got older I am certain that the life lesson was learning to not lie to yourself even when that is in fact the comforting thing to do. I have come to the point that there are three types of men in relationships. The guys that don’t know, the guys that do know, and the guys that found out. The weak always want to be whatever it is that they aren’t.

When I returned from Korea, I was visiting with my old roommate and his new roommate and I started a conversation about women and how he “Doesn’t want to be the guy that doesn’t know” and we all laughed at the horrid notion that ignorance is bliss, in any situation involving women. If you have read this blog and this one you will see prime examples of “The Guy That Doesn’t Know”. The cold hard truth is that guy is the only one that doesn’t know, reminds me of the emperor’s new clothes.

You remember that story right? It was the flick about the guy whose head was so far up his own ass that some ol hustling ass mofo’s showed up and made him some invisible clothes, but the real pimp shit was that they had his eyes all wide open, telling him shit like, “Only folks on your level can see this fits we hookin you up with” and then they told him if folks couldn’t see it, they was just plum dumb.

Game was on SMASH!

We all know how the story ended…you know looking like a fool wit yo pants on the ground!

I bet the person who coined the phrase ignorance is bliss probably was not strong enough to handle the reality of the situation.

Guys that know, are the sum of their actions, and play things by ear. Protecting themselves at all times never being too close to any situation, but always aware of such situations. Guys that know will be honest with themselves and ask the question, “Why am I angry” and after careful internal discourse a decision will be made. Guys that are generally in the know are what some refer to as “players”. Mainly because of the nonchalant attitude about feelings of others and inability to be anything more than considerate given any situation; I think a better term for them are emotional disconnects. These types can be frustrating for women that do not know how to define them, normal stressors that would indicate emotional connections don’t normally react, not because they are not there, but because they are not always attuned to the females they have relationships with, and that tends to be the underlying cause of issues with men of these types. Also, these types have to deal with a lot of haters…Some want to see you fail; others want to see you take your own medicine, but it’s ok. You already knew that.

The down side to being the guy that knows is that nothing is ever constant. It’s a delicate balancing act keeping ones emotions in check, you spend enough time with anyone and feelings will in fact start to develop, and while if left unchecked they could lead to comfort, and comfort is always a slippery slope, when you get comfortable you lose the edge that you had in the beginning, and when that edge is gone the only other thing left to be

Is the guy that found out.

The guy that found out is at best a transitional phase from not knowing to knowing or from knowing to knowing more, but for the most part the guy that found out

DIDN’T KNOW SHIT

And when they find out that they were the last to know, they tend to get upset with everyone else that knew and didn’t tell them, even then they still don’t get it. At this point you really are looking at a fork in the road. Once you find out you have options, and as we all know options are better than obligations. The options are simple: Leave, Stay, or run.

When you leave, you walk away with nothing but your anger and a wounded ego. Of course, your anger will subside and your ego will heal, but at least you have your dignity.

That by far is more important than your ego.

If you stay, you are now in a position to discuss why this particular bit of knowledge makes you feel the way you do. This may require you to eat your own words, show your own hypocrisy, and maybe just maybe admit that you were wrong.

First, running is not the same as leaving, when people run, they are trying to get back to where they were before they found out. The roads to these forks are long and arduous, and there is no coming back from that.

You want to know some folks that found out?

Jedi’s, yeah…all them found out at the last possible moment and look what happened to them. Oh they thought they knew. If you don’t know the story, it goes something like this:

See these folks was sitting all kinds of pretty in their big rooms picking things up with their minds, so one of them is like, “Man see there is this kid, that is going to bring all this stuff into balance”, so these cats were like, “that’s what’s up” and they go back to chillin.

Meanwhile, the Sith were posted up in the back hittin licks left and right, ya dig putting clones in check, makin death stars, all that shit!

Jedi’s were just chillin.

Aight, so when obi-wan show up with this straight up G named Anakin, and then they started hatin on him. I mean but on the low, palpatine was like, “Maaaannnnn FUCK YODA” so when they started dumping on Jedi’s they was all like

“OOOOHHHH SHIT SON, I’m SCARED AS SHIT, WHAT WE GON DO”

Yoda, straight ran like a little bitch.

Finding out is a lot like pulling teeth too. How many times do you see people with their hands on their face, chopping down pain relief medicine, complaining about a tooth, instead of going to the dentist and getting the bad part over?

Far too many.

Relationships are the same way, and trying to stand on the fine line between knowing and not knowing is uncomfortable at best and at worst it is like getting a tooth pulled,

It hurts, but only for a little bit.

These relationship archetypes are all interconnected; you can’t be one without being the other at some point you won’t know what you are until you accept what you were. Truth is we all want to be wanted more than the others and we people to want us as much as we want them.

Open your eyes and play your position or you could in fact just be playing yourself.

REALLY?

I think this this whole blogging from my phone may be a little too much

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

KenNitro Vs The Facility: The Revolt That Never Was(part II)

At last we left, there was a child that acted against the word, and in that one act he changed his fate. His actions on that day brought him the wish that he so desired, but be called a man and be treated as such. His day came, and he stood in front of he who speaks a greater word than me, whose acolytes move swiftly to carry out his word.

The child that would be man saw other men who had and will stand before the word, being among his new peers did not give him the contentment that he so desired. His new desire was now for the old way, the way he fought against, that way was over and a new way was in its place.

As he took his place on the field of battle, He who spoke a greater word saw through the facade and gazed directly through, to the boy behind the mask. He looked down and asked the boy if he knew what it was to be a man, and sheepishly the boy adverted his eyes, realizing his unworthiness to be in the presence of this great word.

So the man, realizing the fate changing action the boy took, refused to turn back time, and act in which he is quite capable of, and instead gave the boy a guide.

I believe the fight is going to happen, but the word desires true understanding, so this boy will have to learn to be a man so that he can understand the word

KenNitro Vs The Facility: Back is Front, Backwards Is Just Forward But In The Other Direction

As the Good Warrior King That I am to my charges on the Island, even I have to be careful of those of equal position.

No, see I am going to be normal blogging KenNitro, not the Rosetta Stone variant.

See it is stuff like what happened at work not too long ago that prompted me to write the "Why Cage Fighting Is Easier Than Corporate America".

Honestly, I thought I learned my lesson about people and their egos when I worked at airtran, but no I can honestly say no matter what job you have, you will always have people that want to stir shit with a long handled spoon...

Either way, as I have said before, my job requires a thought of forethought in whatever plan of action you take. I work with kids whom have never had shit, and are being taught that there is in fact value in aspiring and being more than shit. In all honesty, you have to spell it out for these kids and make sure you know that they know that we are all on the same page.

Make no mistake, there are no such things as "good" surprises at the facility.

I was asked to come up with a list of expectations for use of a certain Item at the facility, which I sat down and thought past the normal and began to paint a clear picture of what is expected for the use of said item. What happened was a list written so eloquently was created that other people decided to use it after adjusting it to fit there own needs. That being said, someone for some reason took offense to the list, and instead of talking with me who wrote it, or even the person who asked me to create such a list.

Instead they go to our boss and drop it under his door with some snitch like sticky not attached to it...

Anyway, I am brought into the office and told about it, we both laughed at how some people "Do to much" and it turns out really being not enough.

So the bigger boss sends out another list for the use of said Item, and it looks like he just took mine, removed all the sarcasm and bold truth and sent it out as if it was the gospel itself. Honestly, if the bigger boss would have had one already made I would't have to had made one.

Reminds me of something someone really wise said,

"

‎"SO THERE I WAS...", The Sage has once again been held in a perplexed state as another A@#B@# ignites the flame of complete incompetence. Holy Sh#$ for brains, how many more trips to the Ilse of F@#%nuts' will it take for those to realize they make the job harder than it was to begin with.Suprise no pebble weedhopper!!.Hatfuscious 2010 a.d."

KenNitro Vs The Facility: The Revolt That Never Was

As I have said before, I rule the island with a firm and righteous fist. All the inhabitants learn to spend their time maintaining or gaining my favor, for the word is law. That being said, there was a revolt. Throughout history, people have risen against their oppressors in order to carve out freedom from the soulless flesh of those that would seek to subjugate them.

At times, this is not only the best, but the only course of action.

On the island ruled by the Good/Warrior King Nitro-Dr. Doom-Megatron, revolt is neither tolerated nor necessary. The word is law, the word is good, the law is good. As usual there are those that seek to demonstrate their might and resist, testing the limits of the word which is law, mostly in order for reassurance of their safety.

Sometimes, just sometimes, the children of the facility seek to put themselves alongside those who speak the word, the word that is law, the word that is good, the law is good. These children who foolishly resist the word which is law find themselves as object lessons for those that follow the word as to why following the word is best. If these children would think before they speak and act, the wonders they could create, I ponder this daily as I watch my children live.

One child starred into the abyss, and they blinked. The child managed to force those who speak the word, the word that is law, the word that is good, the law that is good, to speak a new word. In the moment the word was spoke, the child was no longer the master of his own fate.

It was and is a sad day.

I speak the word, the word is law, the word is good, the law is good, but I do not speak the word alone. There are others like me who are as different as clouds in the sky, but we all speak the word. As we conversed about the new word that was spoken, many kept silent. The word was law, the word is good, the law is good. A few spoke out against the word, for reasons pertaining to things that may or may not change the landscape of the island, but once a word has been spoken it cannot be undone.

So now the child will have to stand before those that speak the word, not as a child, but as a man. In the end I guess the child got what he wanted, just not how he wanted. The Man, now in full understanding of his situation asked to be a child again, but it was too late, I who spoke the word cannot change the word, I am thankful that I cannot undo what is done.

I will be there to speak, not in defense of the child, but in support of the word. The word is strong and does not need to be defended, and now the child who would be a man and resist the word now must face the word as a man and fight again to be called child.

The child that had the wish of manhood granted was also given the gift of fear, we shall see how he endures.

KenNitro Vs. the Facility: Hold that, number Zero

As I am sure in any profession, sometimes your job gets in the way of the real work. The youths I am in charge of come from a myriad of backgrounds, but one thing is even across the board from the oldest to the youngest and even surpassing socio-economic boundaries:

These kids will in fact break bad on you, and you have to be ready.

Now I don’t work in a war-zone, most days don’t even seem like work but it all balances out. When these kids can no longer control their behavior, they have to be handled so they do not injure themselves or others. This is no secret and anyone that works at the facility is well aware of the possibility of getting into a hold. Normative culture throughout the facility has changed the context of the word, “Restraint” and “Hold”, but regardless you are going to get one so my advice to all the neo’s is hurry up and get you two or three really quick.

Let the children know that you are not only, not afraid but you are willing to do the paperwork. Peace through strength, strength through consistency of actions, thought, word, and deed. In the end, the children will thank you for it.

Consistency sometimes equals safety

Recently, a new kid was brought to us. They were different because there was almost no “honeymoon” phase. The actions of this child were completely unnecessary.

But I am looking at it from the wrong angle.

See, when these kids act out, it is not always a reaction to external stimuli, a lot of times it is a manifestation of their own inner turmoil, expressed through the medium of violence. The only way these kids know to express their feelings of fear, anger, and frustration is to destroy. It’s like a pressure valve, these kids in an attempt to control their anger and behavior hold it in. They will hold it in and in and in, until they have to release the pressure so they can make it through the rest of the day.

The kid in questions was restrained several times in less than two weeks, why they felt the need to act out is beyond me, but if I had to guess I would say that the establishment of boundaries was necessary in order for him to feel safe.

Here is the logic:

I am new à I don’t want to be bullied àI will bully others to avoid this àMr. Kenneth’s tolerance of bullies is abnormally low à I am not allowed to bully others à No one is going to bully me, I am safe

Makes sense sort of?

So now, after we establish that particular standard of living we had to adjust some other aspects of this kids attitude, but I can say with all confidence that he and I have an understanding that keeps the day going smooth.

There was another instance where a child got into a restraint and for several minutes attempted to best me and a co-worker in a battle of wills. As soon as the child exerted all of their energy, they very calmly said, “Ok, I’m done. Y’all can let me up, I just needed to burn off some energy”

I was like WHAT!!!! DUDE, I could have taken you outside later today, but instead you want to create paperwork for me! They apologized and went to their rooms.

In my opinion restraints and the ability to restrain is an important part of the therapeutic process, the kids at the facility have lived lives without boundaries and without the forethought of consequences of their actions. The short-term consequences for positive and negative actions are just as important as the long term consequences. We all want the kids to do the right thing and not the wrong thing, but not because there is a reward or punishment, but because the right thing is always the right thing to do.

But of course, others disagree.

Numbers are always a favorite topic of leadership, we had “x” amount of these and “x” amount of those etc. The leadership’s favorite number for restraints is always ZERO, mine too. The difference is that they only like that number, and I am ok with numbers 1-5.

A child getting into a restraint is a child’s expression, in order to avoid a child getting into a restraint, we must show the child alternate ways of coping with their negative emotions while waning them off of the one copping skill that they have only known.

Violence

I sometimes get communications from the facility’s overlords about how they want us to use more de-escalation techniques to avoid restraints with kids. Ok, but this creates a different kind of logic. Remember (x= person)

I am angry at(x)àI am not allowed to harm(x)àMr. Kenneth’s tolerance of this behavior is abnormally high, because he has spoken to me more than three times about not harming(x)àI will now throw everything not nailed to the ground in order to express myself,àMr. Kenneth has allowed me to do so,àI run this facility

While doing this will in fact create the number ZERO, it will also create a shift in the perception of power.

The shift in the perception of power(among other things), is what got them here in the first place.

Another Music Blog

Ok, so a while back, I posted a blog with some examples of good music that I listen to. This blog is SAME SAME BUT DIFFERENT because I am still giving out good music, this time I am slowing it down a bit. This blog is all about the music to "Get it IN" to.

Seriously, we as men do so much just to get laid, and then ruin it by not having anything to keep the mood going.

Now music is not going to get you there alone, but the lack of it can in fact slow your progress down. So I am going to share with you all a few of my Fav's that keep the ladies distracted so they don't see me taking off my shoes.

Before we get started, I do want to say that if you start the music right before you start making your moves, you started too late. Timing gentlemen, timing

First up

Robin thicke, this mans first album could in fact do all the work for you




In my opinion the only other artist to pull this off is Maxwell.

Speaking of which Maxwell should be a staple in your collection. This contribution is from his album Embrya, which I think was better than Urban Hang Suite! YEAH I SAID IT! So check it out


Here is something from his first album, you all can be the judge as to which is better, they will all get you to the same destination.



Honestly, these three alone should get the job done, but you are anything like me your palate is really versatile so we are going to cut an angle right quick.

Everyone that knows me, knows of my weakness for Spanish and Latino Women, so in my arsenal I keep a one or two WMDS to show that I am paying attention to their needs, so I can get to the maxwell!!!

UNO



This next one is a personal favorite of mine Chris Isaak


This one is a given, but I suggest placing this towards the end of the playlist...


To be honest, PRINCE will trump any list a person can come up with, that is why it is so necessary to have him on the list.

And unfortunately the same can be said for this guy(just the part about having to be on the list).

Before we get to that here is another Prince song



Ok, as I was saying now a days having this guy on the squad only hurts because it is noticeable when you don't



Now this right here is only for the advanced. If you are asking why it is for the advance, it is cause you are not advanced.


How could anyone expect to make any babies without this lady in the mix



grrrrrriiiiiiittttttsssss

Well I think I have given enough game away for free.

Enjoy!

disclaimer*

Like I said before, music only hurts if it is the wrong song at the wrong time, but anything is better than nothing. So if you have something you want to play....like this next one....that's really all about you...I mean they got like fiftylevn songs for them...just make sure you play it after the Prince songs...you know

The Facility: The only easy day was yesterday.

“Working here is not a job, it’s an art, and you have to practice it everyday”
Mr. “Big” John

So when I finally put my application in at the facility, I kind of had an idea of what to expect. I already knew that most of my friends had already spent some time at some point working there and that if I was there not only would I be working in an awesome environment, but I would be increasing the coolness factor there by another 33 percent. I also knew that I would be working with at risk youth of varying degrees.

So the short version would be I get to work with all the guys I have been bouncing with in another lifetime per se, in an environment where nurturing and violence take place on a semi daily basis, and there is free soda involved!!!!
Where do I sign?

I mean some people have these strange ideas about therapy and treatment for children with varying degrees of mental illness, but truth be told, SHITS REAL OUT HERE SON!!!! And what I speak on from here on out is what I witness first hand and participate in on a daily basis. Now through a series of events I was not placed with “The Wild Bunch Professionals” but placed in a same same but different scenario that while not as appealing as the above described was still a better deal that what I had.

I was placed on the girls unit, I mean how bad could it be? What is the difference between working at the facility with girls that are “Crazy” and the women in my personal life?

Prescription medication and free soda, FACT
Moving on, on day two of this new chapter I called my main man Ronnie Johnny AKA Dr. OCTAGON and shared with him a story about a girl who gets mad and starts bleeding from her nose.

Easy enough right?

Well when I say mad I mean demonic possession angry, and one of her coping mechanisms singing.

You still with me?

Now imagine a girl who gets so angry that she starts bleeding from the nose and refuses to accept anything to clean it off, as a matter of policy we treat all as if they have HIV or any blood pathogen that you want to imagine, suit yourself.
Now if you have ever seen a horror movie where some nosey ass white folks is all up in some house where some kids got killed a long time ago or some shit like that, and you here this really beautiful music being sung by children who in any other context would be beautiful, but since we in this dark ass, evil ass, decrepit ass house it is downright creepy? You know, right before the one black man gets killed?

So all of this is happening at once while she is making circles in the pool of blood that has accumulated on the floor, all is quite except for this song that she keeps singing, and at 10:30 in the evening on an otherwise quiet milieu
Mr. “Big” John opens the door to the opportunity room and shouts “HEY STOP THAT!!! That is just creepy” and she does just that. After a few moments she comes out and gets some paper towels and cleans up her blood and goes back to bed.

Dr. OCTAGON says to me, “Congratulations, from here on out everything else easy.”
And he laughed.

Last week, I was doing what I do and this girl says to me, “I don’t like your name”. At first glance, this is really a smart ass comment made by a smart ass kid that should be responded back in an equally smart ass manner. My response was simply,

“Oh well”

Your name brings up my issues is the next volley from the upstart, and so now the game is afoot! I roll my eyes and say, “just what issues does my name bring up” her response,

My rapist name is Kenneth.

GAME, SET, MATCH

I was caught off guard, not so much by the comment of it, but the casualness in which she said it. None the less, I was at this point the one thing that I am almost never at any point

Speechless.

Everything else with the exception of a few things could be thrown under the category of “Mean Ass Kids” cause seriously, teenagers are jerks anyway. So if you take a bunch of teenagers who are already jerks and sprinkle in a mental illness of some sort then most of your day is spent quelling gossip and breaking up cliques and removing power from their social hierarchy.

This is a delicate procedure because as long as you can keep the “Alpha” in pocket, the day can go very smoothly. The “Alpha” can in fact keep the otherwise nonsense of the “beta’s” from getting to you simply because they have no interest in seeing how it will play out. Which means you are free to handle the other business of the day, without being bothered with questions that everyone already knows the answers too, sounds like a secretary doesn’t it? Yeah, but no, the flipside to this is that at any moment her beta’s will squad up and feed into the attitude that the alpha has about any situation positive or negative. Which depending on how you play it can be good, bad, or downright ugly, which is fine my team works together and we are more than capable of handling anything that the kids want to throw, but the struggle is still there, and that’s why we are there too I imagine. Teaching kids the delicate lessons of tact, true leadership, why the truth is constant, see kids learn more from watching the authority around them, this is probably why a lot of them are where they are(it almost always goes back to the parents), and we as the adults, the authority, the positive role-models have to be worthy of the trust that these kids hold dear because at the end of the day, everyone else that they have given it too has failed them.

Writers Block

You know I have not been blogging for a good part of 2010, I could come up with a few different reasons, but it really it comes down to one.

Writers block.

What causes that is different for every writer I guess, but for me, the mundane is my bane of existence. From factory work(an epic blog that I am currently working on)to my new job that I will simply call “The Facility”. What “The Facility” gives me is more than a paycheck…but it gives me that human interaction that gave me the ingredients to cook up the likes of FRONTLINE: an expat that’s back and IT IS WHAT IT IS.

So here is my first offering from this new kitchen.

The Bad Guys had it right

So a few weeks ago I was on facebook and my friend Borboleta had an interesting face book status that like most good facebook status if it can get more than ten or so more responses you know you have a good one. Well the long and short of it is that one of the responses was that “Disney movies gave me a horrible impression of what I should look for in men” or some shit like that.

I’m at work at “The Facility” and I am talking with my co worker about how having plans to have something to call an audible against is better than having no plan at all, my co worker is like “dude, having a plan is cool, unless you are on a road trip and no plan is the best way to go” and of course I am in agreement, but having no plan is in fact a plan. I started thinking, how over the last few years I have had plans that for some reason or another the wheels always came off. Then as we kept on with this seeming pointless conversation I said to myself, you know who else had a plan?

COBRA!

That’s right COBRA a ruthless organization bent on taking over the earth.
Seriously, every day as a kid I would watch COBRA and they had a plan, a plan while not nice for any reason the M.A.S.S device or even the B.E.T come to mind, they had a plan, and that is way more than what anyone else generally has when doing anything these days, and guess what happened.

G.I. joe comes right on in and ruins it.

What plan did G.I. joe ever have!!!!

That’s right, no plan. They waited, they waited until COBRA got there shit going and then they jump out with the monkey wrench.
You know who else does that?

Haters.

Not that I am saying that G.I. joes are a bunch of haters, but seriously haters wait around for you to do something, anything, so they can hate.

Anyway, my coworker was like dude! When you are that awesome, you don’t need a plan. I was like yeah, but –He’s like no, what you don’t understand is that DUKE was the plan.

Duke was the plan?

Wait, you mean to tell me that patience and planning will always give way to fast action and brash decision making? How messed up is that? I understand the concept of nothing ventured nothing gained, but you can’t go all in on every hand.
I get it though, you can’t plan everything out, but you can’t leave it all up to chance.

Amazing isn’t it.

2010: New Years Resolutions, Reflections, and Hindsights

Wow.

Just Wow.

I made it through 2009 to see 2010, thank god. Not for nothing, 2009 really sucked balls for your boy, and when I finally publish the "What I did for summer vacation" blog you all will be able to experience through my writing the massive suckfest which was my 2009.

This year is going to be different. I just like everyone else that graduated with me in like May of 1998 will be hitting the big 3-0.

That's right, I am turning 30

I have done a lot of things but I have never turned 30. I have been 29 twice(seriously ask me about it, it was legit), but I have never been thirty.

I remeber back in the day a friend of mine was telling me how we were living in the "end of days" and how soon we will see the battle of the "Haves" and the "Have Nots". I can't lie, I meditate on where I am and where I am going to be, I even look at people that are younger and maybe a little older and I am like, "Damn, they really have their shit together"

Then I realize that the grass is always greener on the otherside.

So I don't dwell. I understand that everyones path is not going to be my own.

I have resolutions this year, which is different because I hate the whole resolution aspect of new years. Seriously, if you are a douche then why would you change the first of NEXT year, why not strive to not be a douche once it is known that you are a douche.

You can substitute douche for anything else you want...

Anyway, I just try to be better than what I was before, good or evil, I want to be better at it than before. Oh, I am digressing, I did decide that I am going to do some things this year

I am going to learn a new language
I am going to learn how to play an instrument

I know, this is a short sweet list. Most people use their resolutions as pavement to hell, but my road there is fine...just fine.

Well, I am acutally about six beers and three shots in and everyone else is asleep and I am still dtinking. I will have a little more later on, but right now I am just stretching out a bit.