Where did 2010 go?

No seriously, it seems like I just wrote this blog yesterday.

Read it if you like, but the best part is this:

"Anyway, I just try to be better than what I was before, good or evil, I want to be better at it than before."

I did start learning a new instrument...

I do believe that I have been a better person, but I don't really know what that means past doing good deeds? This year, I have cast out, let in, sinned, forgave, been forgiven, pushed and shoved, hustled, created and destroyed.

I would like to say that it is all in the name of forward progress, but I don't know. Lately, in the last few instances that I have been angry which have been less than five times, I see myself compartmentalizing all of it, and never really purging myself of the actual reason I am angry. I use to think that I needed that, this angst that keeps me on edge.

The proverbial hare in front of the hounds

Anyway, this year has been interesting enough, the good parts of it are

I have a job that I am good at

I have my own apartment

I have my health

I have some of the best friends ever

I think therefore I am

I think I will own 2011

I am going own 2011

RANT

Sometimes I really don't think I am cut out for this job...

I have patience, as a matter of fact I spent a good part of my life learning that through the lessons taught at the Southeast Martial Arts Center, I generally feel as though in my personal life I weigh my options and make a decision based on what I want and what I can deal with and I roll with it. I have worked at my job(I work with kids facing obstacles) for a little less than a year and I am hear to tell you.

TEACHERS NEED TO GET PAID LIKE PRO ATHLETES.

I spend the better part of the day observing kids and taking notes, seeing patterns of behaviors and learning what makes them tick. I feel like if I can tell you something that is pretty much the real truth about the education. There are two types of kids sitting in the desk in any class room

The kids that want to learn and the kids that don't.

As much as I hate sweeping generalizations, this is what boils to the top.

I'm not talking about the kids that have a hard time getting through lessons, they are truly deserving of help, I am talking about the kids who actively seek to disrupt the learning of others, for no reason other than the fact that they themselves do not want to learn.

Truth is, they want no part of the world we are looking to prepare them for. We are wasting their time and fooling ourselves into thinking that we can change a child's mind who does not want to do good at all, and desires to be rewarded for mediocrity.

Immortal technique has a line in his song, "Dance With The Devil"

"...Ask a nigga doing life, if he had another chance, but then there is always the wicked that knew in advance..."

Honestly, I hate the whole "Label Theory" but Jesus Christ on a cracker, if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, it damn sure ain't a T-rex.

I guess what I am saying is that sometimes treatment is not the answer, but jail is.

There Are Only Three Types of Men Out There (as it relates to women)

I like to write about relationships and people and I like to think that I call things pretty down the middle. My uncle always told me, “To thy own self be true”. I always thought that was some stuff he would say to me to keep me from telling a lie to him, but as I got older I am certain that the life lesson was learning to not lie to yourself even when that is in fact the comforting thing to do. I have come to the point that there are three types of men in relationships. The guys that don’t know, the guys that do know, and the guys that found out. The weak always want to be whatever it is that they aren’t.

When I returned from Korea, I was visiting with my old roommate and his new roommate and I started a conversation about women and how he “Doesn’t want to be the guy that doesn’t know” and we all laughed at the horrid notion that ignorance is bliss, in any situation involving women. If you have read this blog and this one you will see prime examples of “The Guy That Doesn’t Know”. The cold hard truth is that guy is the only one that doesn’t know, reminds me of the emperor’s new clothes.

You remember that story right? It was the flick about the guy whose head was so far up his own ass that some ol hustling ass mofo’s showed up and made him some invisible clothes, but the real pimp shit was that they had his eyes all wide open, telling him shit like, “Only folks on your level can see this fits we hookin you up with” and then they told him if folks couldn’t see it, they was just plum dumb.

Game was on SMASH!

We all know how the story ended…you know looking like a fool wit yo pants on the ground!

I bet the person who coined the phrase ignorance is bliss probably was not strong enough to handle the reality of the situation.

Guys that know, are the sum of their actions, and play things by ear. Protecting themselves at all times never being too close to any situation, but always aware of such situations. Guys that know will be honest with themselves and ask the question, “Why am I angry” and after careful internal discourse a decision will be made. Guys that are generally in the know are what some refer to as “players”. Mainly because of the nonchalant attitude about feelings of others and inability to be anything more than considerate given any situation; I think a better term for them are emotional disconnects. These types can be frustrating for women that do not know how to define them, normal stressors that would indicate emotional connections don’t normally react, not because they are not there, but because they are not always attuned to the females they have relationships with, and that tends to be the underlying cause of issues with men of these types. Also, these types have to deal with a lot of haters…Some want to see you fail; others want to see you take your own medicine, but it’s ok. You already knew that.

The down side to being the guy that knows is that nothing is ever constant. It’s a delicate balancing act keeping ones emotions in check, you spend enough time with anyone and feelings will in fact start to develop, and while if left unchecked they could lead to comfort, and comfort is always a slippery slope, when you get comfortable you lose the edge that you had in the beginning, and when that edge is gone the only other thing left to be

Is the guy that found out.

The guy that found out is at best a transitional phase from not knowing to knowing or from knowing to knowing more, but for the most part the guy that found out

DIDN’T KNOW SHIT

And when they find out that they were the last to know, they tend to get upset with everyone else that knew and didn’t tell them, even then they still don’t get it. At this point you really are looking at a fork in the road. Once you find out you have options, and as we all know options are better than obligations. The options are simple: Leave, Stay, or run.

When you leave, you walk away with nothing but your anger and a wounded ego. Of course, your anger will subside and your ego will heal, but at least you have your dignity.

That by far is more important than your ego.

If you stay, you are now in a position to discuss why this particular bit of knowledge makes you feel the way you do. This may require you to eat your own words, show your own hypocrisy, and maybe just maybe admit that you were wrong.

First, running is not the same as leaving, when people run, they are trying to get back to where they were before they found out. The roads to these forks are long and arduous, and there is no coming back from that.

You want to know some folks that found out?

Jedi’s, yeah…all them found out at the last possible moment and look what happened to them. Oh they thought they knew. If you don’t know the story, it goes something like this:

See these folks was sitting all kinds of pretty in their big rooms picking things up with their minds, so one of them is like, “Man see there is this kid, that is going to bring all this stuff into balance”, so these cats were like, “that’s what’s up” and they go back to chillin.

Meanwhile, the Sith were posted up in the back hittin licks left and right, ya dig putting clones in check, makin death stars, all that shit!

Jedi’s were just chillin.

Aight, so when obi-wan show up with this straight up G named Anakin, and then they started hatin on him. I mean but on the low, palpatine was like, “Maaaannnnn FUCK YODA” so when they started dumping on Jedi’s they was all like

“OOOOHHHH SHIT SON, I’m SCARED AS SHIT, WHAT WE GON DO”

Yoda, straight ran like a little bitch.

Finding out is a lot like pulling teeth too. How many times do you see people with their hands on their face, chopping down pain relief medicine, complaining about a tooth, instead of going to the dentist and getting the bad part over?

Far too many.

Relationships are the same way, and trying to stand on the fine line between knowing and not knowing is uncomfortable at best and at worst it is like getting a tooth pulled,

It hurts, but only for a little bit.

These relationship archetypes are all interconnected; you can’t be one without being the other at some point you won’t know what you are until you accept what you were. Truth is we all want to be wanted more than the others and we people to want us as much as we want them.

Open your eyes and play your position or you could in fact just be playing yourself.

REALLY?

I think this this whole blogging from my phone may be a little too much

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KenNitro Vs The Facility: The Revolt That Never Was(part II)

At last we left, there was a child that acted against the word, and in that one act he changed his fate. His actions on that day brought him the wish that he so desired, but be called a man and be treated as such. His day came, and he stood in front of he who speaks a greater word than me, whose acolytes move swiftly to carry out his word.

The child that would be man saw other men who had and will stand before the word, being among his new peers did not give him the contentment that he so desired. His new desire was now for the old way, the way he fought against, that way was over and a new way was in its place.

As he took his place on the field of battle, He who spoke a greater word saw through the facade and gazed directly through, to the boy behind the mask. He looked down and asked the boy if he knew what it was to be a man, and sheepishly the boy adverted his eyes, realizing his unworthiness to be in the presence of this great word.

So the man, realizing the fate changing action the boy took, refused to turn back time, and act in which he is quite capable of, and instead gave the boy a guide.

I believe the fight is going to happen, but the word desires true understanding, so this boy will have to learn to be a man so that he can understand the word