Pro Wrestling...it's so Gay Orrrrrr We're Here, We're Queer, First you have to care, then get over it(as it relates to pro wrestling)

So not too long ago, a pro basketball player comes out as being gay, and I think somebody cared. I mean, don't get me wrong, I think it's awesome that he would come out and say to the world, "Hey, I'm into dudes" but you know what I think. 

I think it's just a power move.

Ok, before all you activist start cracking your fingers to type something activey(real word, I just made it up). Think about it. This dude was/is a mediocre basketball player at best. So what do you do when your contract is up and you could be cut and I suppose you got to get back to the real world....

Hell, I would come out the closet too(no homo).

Seriously, who would fire a guy who just came out the closet? Not anybody that wants to have the masses setting up camp in the digital space and form a virtual picket line. So you know what you do, you make the smart move.

Keep them around for a year, and if he can't put points in the paint, trade his ass to the European leagues.

Anyway so tell you the truth, I give two shits about anybody's sexual preference. I could be wrong for that in the short run, but as it relates to pro wrestling...There has been so much "gay" in wrestling since the 40's.

WOOOOOO!

I'm not going to go through the catalog of wrestlers with questionable sexuality, keep in mind by questionable I mean ambiguous. After all, pro wrestling has always been about characters, and a lot of times these characters were maintained more than the real life of the actual person. So in terms of GAY

Oh yeah, pro wrestling is rampant with "Teh Gay"

Take, this guy. Johnie B. Badd was a guy that wore make-up, looked like Little Richard. His finishing move was called, "The Kiss That Don't Miss" and he even had little stickers made of hearts that he would place on downed opponents.

The Genius was another gimmick that while he was not so outwardly flamboyant like Johnnie b. Badd, he was still on the other side of masculine, which in wrestling terms...GAY.

Lady Gaga's Dad

Probably the most notorious gay gimmick had to have been golddust. This guy wore a gold body suit, essentially sexually harassed other wrestlers during the match and his entrance was really, really, really uncomfortable. 

Then you had Chuck and Billy, they took their gimmick to new heights and even had a wedding ceremony. I mean, c'mon this was back in 2002. I mean, watch it. If it was anything, it was progressive. Even the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation got all butt hurt over the situation, by situation they were hoping that Chuck and Billy actually would come out as being gay, but there is two problems. The first being that and actual civic organization honestly thought that their input on an angle would be taken serious, and the second is that Chuck Palumbo and Monty Kipp Sopp(Billy Gunn) were not gay in the first place. Oh you do know wrestling is not...

"Tag Team" Partners For Life

It's still real to me Dammit!!!

Mr. No Days Off

So I say all this to say that Darren Young, "Mr. No Days Off" coming out to TMZ that he is gay is really boring to me. I mean larger outlets didn't want the story, The WWE set up the press conference in the first place, and most importantly

Darren Young, is one step up from a Jobber(you know, the guy that always loses), and the tag team he is in is no where near getting a push for the tag team. In short, the prime time playaz aren't a real factor in the tag team division. So I honestly feel like He came out because he might be getting those walking papers. 

Is that unforgivable?  

Seriously, if he was a even a top mid card guy there would be enough buzz to actually use his sexuality to push him into the top tier, but because he is bottom at best(see what I did right there) he is going to probably win a few house matches and that's about it. I think if he would spend more time working on honing his craft and not telling TMZ, he would have some real job security. No wrestling fan is going to think he is getting black balled by the WWE, because he does not have the actual talent...

You know, like the homie Roderick Strong

Hell, if I were him, I would use it. Pro Wrestling is kind of like southpark in a way, because they can take whatever that is popular in pop culture and turn it into satire real quick. On average it takes a south park episode 2 weeks to be produced, and WWE is live almost 100 days out of the year.

The New Harlem Heat, Said No One
EVER!!!!!

Imagine this, Prime Time Playaz goes through a rough spot, losing a bunch of matches(Hell they already do that), then Titus and Darren are arguing, because Titus feels some sort of way about the fact that he had to find out he was gay through TMZ of all things(putting TMZ over in the process), They split. Darren is on the search for a new tag team partner, and still losing. Titus speaks with a number of superstars and they tell him that it's all good or some shit. Then Darren Young and his no name tag team partner wrestle the shield, the no name guy gets knocked out. Titus comes out the back, hot tags in, and they make the come back, the shield gets disqualified cause Dean Ambrose interferes. The crowd goes wild. Every wrestling fans enjoys a started from the bottom to the top story that does not include John Cena

Realistically, they will never beat the shield head up...see what they did to the ROCK?

It's still real to me dammit

Giving the Game Away: Continuing Education, Watch For The Hook!!!

Hey folks, Imma talk to you on some real live shit right here. See I have given the game away see here, here, and here, so read that shit if you ain’t up on game. Now in the mean time I have been away from the computer you know living life. Cause I mean in order to bring it to you, I got to get it myself ya dig.

You know what I have found?

hands down, chin out, BOOM!!!

I found that no matter how much knowledge you gain on the opposite sex, women will ALWAYS have the upper hand. They make the best liars, cheaters, and all things evil in this world. The only thing we(men)can do is to arm ourselves the best we can. So on that note, if there is anything men need to do is  WATCH FOR THE HOOK

See, men get hooked a couple of different ways, but no one and I mean no one ever gets up in the morning and say’s, “You know what, I want some chick to have me all wide open and shit to where I can’t make a good decision to save my mammy life” So when a guy gets hooked it is just like in Boxing, the hook comes after a well placed set up. Ain’t no chick out there throw’in haymakers hoping for the best and being successful at it. Shit that is what they want you to think.

God said the meek shall inherit the earth, but cold pimpin is only for the strong. Can you dig that?

So let’s get to it, what kind of hooks are we talkin bout Ken?

Calm down, we gonna get into that. First you have to understand how you end up on the hook in the first place. The most common way of being hooked is to disregard the idea of being hooked in the first place. When you think you are above it, you are open for it. Miyamoto Musashi said, “the only sword you see is the one that kills you” But some real pimps said this: 

What that has to do with one another, everything. If you don’t keep your situation in control you are going to wake up one day and realized that every decision you made is based on some sort of hook that got you fucked all the way up.

Everyone gets the hook,

The short hook.

Before we get into this tool used by women, lets talk about how it looks. Imagine yourself at the bar, the club, hell even a covered dish dinner. Now peep that one chick that just has this guy circling around her like a damn satellite infiltrating on all conversations watching the movements of everything happening around and what not? You want to know something about satellites; no one gives a fuck about satellites. So when a chick has that short hook in you, you are pretty much following her around the spot hoping that she gives you a little bit of attention, but really you are just there floating around Hooked…looking like a bitch.

Next on the list is another type of hook that sometimes works in conjunction with the aforementioned hook. I call it the “Fish Hook”, the fish hook just like the actual fish hook used in fishing is a sneaky sum bitch INDEED.

You ever watch fishing on ESPN, me either, but that’s beside the point. The point it, these fish were minding they muthafuckin business when some shit looked good too them, then BLAM!!! They asses got jacked from doing whatever the fuck they was doing and thrown in a cooler with some other BITCH ass fish. This is sad, because the fish actually thought he was coming up on something, but in reality he got HOOKED.

Is this you?

How this works in real life is when chicks that YOU hit up trying to see what’s up ain’t got nothing for ya. I am not saying that playing you like a 10 cent fiddle. Just whenever it is YOUR idea to do something, whether simple or extravagant, bitch is ghost. Now check it, you fuck round and get a call or a text message, and yo ass is jumping like G fo O.

LAME

The worst is that you sit around telling yourself that it’s ok, you weren’t doing anything to begin with so it’s not like you are going out cause she is making you do it. I mean, hell I was just gonna sit back and see what some other chicks that might actually be down to get it in, but I been trying to get at this one for a minute so you know Imma fucks with her, you know…So here you are scrambling to get to the spot so you can stand in line to talk to this chick…and every other dude that she has texted to meet her at the spot, lookin like a REAL BITCH, that’s you. You make me sick.

I told you, women got this shit in their DNA. Now don’t do anything stupid like try to tell a chick this is what she doing, cause you fucking up on two fronts. 1. You trying to tell a chick what to do, and that never works out in your favor unless your pimpin is on the STRONGEST level. 2. This is instinctual; she can no more control this than a dog can control the urge to lick his nuts. You know, like trying to tell a dude not to eye fuck that chick in the sundress walking around campus. We gonna do it cause the option is that we have no options.

See right about now, I got some readers out there saying, “Ken, you on some other shit. I got plenty of girls that are just my friends”. My response would be, “Yeah one time I slapped the shit out of chuck Norris” then you would say, “What does that have to do what I just said”, and I would say, “Oh, I thought we were just sitting around talking about shit that ain’t true.

the best of the worst situation

But the whole concept of male/female platonic relationships I will tackle another day, but for right now; if you one of those people that believe the women that you call friends are friends. You have been Grappling hooked.

Now a grappling hook is an awesome invention. Ninjas, to Vikings, to cat-burglars all utilize this to get where they need to go or drag what they want to them. Either way, the grappling hook makes everything “At Arms Length” Can you dig it? See, cats playing that position have it in their minds that all they got to do wait and sooner or later they are going to get theirs…and they are right.

Here’s the thing, I have seen a lot of shit in my short time on this earth, but I ain’t never seen anyone cook a meal, one dish at a time. So to be honest being on that grappling hook isn’t the worse situation to be in as long as you got other things going on. Otherwise you are going to be that guy showing up to the spot with a chick that everyone thinks you are with  for about the length it takes for you to walk from the car to the bar and order one drink and after that, you look’in like a real BITCH. Mainly cause she gonna let everybody know passively, unless she on some real disrespectful shit, that yall ain’t nothing. Now if you actually got some business about yourself you are going to find another female to strike up a conversation with, cause posting up at the bar waiting to talk to a chick that is not trying to talk to you is not the move. Nowhere on this earth is that the move, even in togo.

prison(cough)I mean home

The last hook, and probably the most dangerous of them all is a sky hook.

This shit right here, metaphorically speaking, is the worst shit in existence. I mean, in real life the sky hook can lift any problem and take them somewhere else. Seriously, got to move a house but you not trying to drive, get a sky hook. Got some tanks that need to get over this mountain, get a sky hook. Hey guys, you want to find a way to never be able to make a decision without having to text, call, finesse, the wife/girlfriend? Go and get yourself sky hooked.

The good news is that you will never have to worry about anything cause she got you, the bad news is that she got you, and there is nothing you can do about it. It’s like you still living in the house, but if the house you living in was underneath a helicopter 20,000 feet in the air, you aren’t living. You are now TRAPPED.

Ok, maybe it ain’t exactly like that, but I know too many guys out there secretly suffering in their relationships. Sure they aren’t exactly unhappy, but at the same time, they aren’t getting exactly everything they want. Now, men never claimed to be complicated. There is only a few things a woman needs to do in order to keep her man happy. Laugh at his jokes, have a suggestion if what he suggested isn’t yo thang, and give us a blow job without us having to ask for it. Seriously, you want to see an immediate change in your mans behavior, give’em some head out of no where.

But that’s the thing about being sky hooked, you have to ask for everything. If you not asking for whatever it is you want to do, you are doing it with the knowledge that you are going to have to pay for this down the road.

In my personal experience having fun without your lady present is the most expensive tax that can be levied on an individual.  Sky hooked folks know what I am talking about, you got to work twice as hard to get out the house half as much, just to get a little time with the bro’s and your phone best be charged and text messages best be returned promptly, and that is if you get to go in the first place.

Remember guys, whatever situation you are in, it’s YOUR FAULT. Don’t let my words be mistaken for me placing blame on women for being women; I am placing blame on you because walked into this head first.

So now you know, and what you do with the situation is entirely up to you(don’t be a bitch).

Oh and follow ya boy on Instagram @KenNitro I think I'm loving that more than twitter

November is for food: History is Hungry

So every year Americans all over the world get together for a big ol meal called thanksgiving, every kid in this great country learned that thanksgiving went down a little something like this:

See, these religious people left England in hopes of finding a place that they could get down with the worshiping the way they want to, and not have to worry about being hated on by the legion of haters in the “Old World”. 

So they came to the “New World”

Now, when you think about it, the world was new, but it was new like a used car, you know new to you, but not to anyone else…you know cause someone else already owned it or in the case of the Native Americans already lived there.

Anyway.

So, the settlers show up all happy and what not, but they don’t know jack squat about anything in terms of hunting, fishing, farming, or surviving in this “New” world that really should be called the “Previously Lived in World”, and the cool as hell Native Americans were all like

“Ay! Check it, we bout to hook yall up”

See, the Native Americans didn’t hate the players or the game, and so what they did was hook them up with all the buffalo, corn, fish, etc they could eat, and that is how thanksgiving happened and the Native Americans were our friends.

We all learned that, but that’s not quite how it happened though.

See, this holiday just like everything else has gone corporate. November is all about food, shopping, and not burning your house down trying to fry a turkey in the garage.  If the numbers of people that are camping out in front of best buy, Target, and Wal-Mart just to fight with each other over a flat screen TV were to donate the same amount of time to a soup kitchen, homeless shelter, or after school center, the possibilities are endless as to the amount of the Lords work that could be done.

The Pilgrims thought they were doing the Lords work too, see instead of viewing the Natives as a real people they viewed them as a tool of the lord put on the land to guide them just long enough to get screwed in the RAWEST deal on planet earth. Squanto, the Native American that is credited with teaching the invaders of to live off the land, was actually kidnapped as a child and bought and traded as a slave and somehow he managed to get back the “New” world or “Home” as he would call it, just to find out that his people have been slaughtered by the very same people that he helped.

Ain’t that bout a bitch!

At least there is turkey right?  Right now kids in school are putting on thanksgiving plays that are probably reinforcing so many negative stereotypes that the inside joke that they are letting the black kid be the lead pilgrim, who will no doubt get to be Martin Luther King jr in February, gets over looked all the way over. 

Lets keep rowing this boat, Thanksgiving in the U.S. coincides with Columbus day. The day Christopher Columbus brought the first invading force to the “New” world. See, but that is political anyway, see Honest Abe came about and made Thanksgiving an official holiday (you know the one where we get holiday pay but not for MLK day…I’m just saying)and on that same day, he sent troops in to march against the Sioux Nation in Minnesota .

 Anyway, back in the day, anytime there was a huge slaughter of Indians a day of thanks giving was called to celebrate the destruction of the “savages” because that is what the religious zealots at the time believed. It got to the point to wear George Washington was like, “Damn we can’t be doing all this partying after we get it in on these Indians, we got a nation to build!!!!!” So he decided that they would have one big party to celebrate all the genocide.

So Native Americans get a two for one in November!

This is the short version.

Around Halloween, I saw someone’s facebook on the facebook that is inside of facebook talk about how she was happy it was raining on Halloween because that day celebrates the devil and anyone that new anything knew that.  So hopefully, everyone will take some time and learn a bit about what they are celebrating. If you really want to show how thankful you are this season doing something about it.

Volunteer at a shelter, give some can food items that you would actually eat and not the ones that have been sitting there for years to a can food drive, or go visit a nursing home and just sit with the people.  That way you would actually be celebrating thanksgiving the way it should be.