Halal No you didn’t or…This little piggy got GOT!!!!

I saw some shit online that was epic. I mean normally my Tuesdays are always about epic mealtime and getting having some sort of fun while waiting on church night with my peoples(church is a metaphor). Now my nights may not always be epic, but they do always start with dinner.

Generally, dinner is either pizza or sushi(not at the same time). It’s quick, easy, and with pizza I generally have some food left for the post drinking action or maybe even the next day.

The Best Weaves are Made of Bacon

Tonight is something different.

I saw this thing on youtube called the  “bacon explosion” it is basically a heart attack wrapped in bacon,

And I need this in my life.

Get Creative, Next Time I am Using More
Sausage.

So I went to the grocery jump off and got me some bacon, I went and spent a little bit of bread on it and got the thick cut. I think that was best decision.  Actually making the bacon weave was pretty easy, I was surprised at how easy it was to get this sexy thing made. If you don’t like the way pork looks I don’t know what to tell you.

Now, the next part opens up the lane for some personal decision making. Some people call for 2lbs of sausage or a kilo if you aren’t from ‘Merica(Pew Pew Pew Pew). I live by myself so I figured a pound of sausage is enough for me. I once ate a pound of deer sausage and was not even the slightest bit apologetic.

No homo.

The youtube video calls for some bbq seasoning, but you know I was kinda gentle with it. I mean, there is a

lot of salt in this monstrosity. I then added some cheese cause…well I can’t think of any situation where cheese and or a fried egg is a bad idea so there you go.

Sleep, So You Shall Be PERFECT

Then I put that bitch in the oven.

I got some bread for the delivery device. I figure regular bread just won’t due. In the video they had some can biscuits, but I can’t lie

I don’t do can biscuits….

Seriously, I mean if you put them in front of me and I don’t have any other options, I will eat them. I mean, if you are cooking me breakfast and you make them, I will eat them. I mean, I ain’t gonna throw them shits on the floor and be like, “Biiiiitttcccch, you tryin’ to catch a beat down”.  

The fucked up part is that I can’t make a biscuit to save yo life.

Fact is, if someone put a gun to your head and was like, “KenNitro, if you want to save this , you gonna have to make some serious biscuits!!!

You a dead muthafucka.

Anywhoo, this is my dinner tonight. I know you are jealous. I know you are all planning on making this around the world.

That'll do Pig, That'll do

Lost Art of The Wingman Part 1: Do You Even Know What a Wingman is, Bro?

Whatever you do, DO SOMETHING!

Navigating the dating scene is like having a compass in the dark with no flashlight. There are so many different ways you can go about WINNING, one can be confused about which right way is the best way. One thing remains true, from human’s humble beginnings in caves to massive multiplayer online games

Teamwork makes the dream work.

There was a time when two bro’s could hit the scene and get all the cream there was to get, and high five the entire time. There was a time where men would run defense so their bro could make a play. The wingman was more than just situational, it was an honor. That’s shit over, charge it to the game. One of the greatest acts of wingmaning ever caught on film was this scene right here.

See, this right here is what it is all about. I'll be damned if Five doesn't get you Ten with teamwork like that.

So how did we lose the art of the wingman?

I’ll tell you when, we lost the art when men decided to use the phrase “bro’s before hoe’s” as just a phrase and not a part of the code of ethics governing male bonding rituals and appropriate man to man relationships. For instance,

There is real magic in this phrase.

if you invoke bro’s before hoe’s just because you as a man are jealous of your homey’s situation with his lady, you’re doing it wrong bro. If you are invoking bro’s before hoe’s because you are gravy in your situation and you just don’t like the chick your homey is kicking it with, you’re doing it wrong bro. If you being offensive to chicks your homey brings around, and then he stops bringing them around, and you invoke bro’s before hoe’s

You guessed it, you’re doing it wrong.

self explaintory

See, the above mentioned is hating.  Hating has become such an epidemic in our society that we have begun to think that we need haters in our lives to validate the fact that we are livin!

What kind of shit is that?

But I digress, a brotha dealing with some other shit these days.

Anyway

When did it become cool for a man to break in on someone else’s program over a chick in the first place? When was it ok for a man to offer up info on another man that is going to adversely affect his pimpin? I don’t know, I can’t even call it.

Hell man, with that kind of heat in your circle I can see how individuals start backing away from the code and doing work on their own all together.  Then of course, women in the media are always trying to play up the whole, “confidence” factor. Coming up with new ways of approaching women that all go in this direction

See a chick you like, roll up on them, hit’em with some sort of line. The line varies depending on a number of variables. Then if that works you invite them on some sort of no pressure excursion and hopefully, it works out for you.( ß 60 % of the time it works 100%)

See, the thing is women are already up on game.

It Can Be Done, But It Ain't No Fun...

Women rarely roll solo, and if they do, there is some wishy ass dude waiting on stand-by ready to get fish hooked to stop your advance. Gone are the days of being able to show up in the spot and pull chicks that you don’t know out of their situations and into yours without some help from your wingman.  Your wingman was your bro. Your Billy to his Jimmy lee, Han Solo and Chewbacca, Beautiful Bobby Eaton and Sweet Stan Lane, your success was his success and the reverse is also correct.

One Of the Best EVA!!!

Wingman skill sets  can come in different varieties, but the fact is that somewhere on this trip men collectively decided that it would be better to get a laugh out of seeing our bro’s fail instead of making the dream work. That’s just a damn shame, and we all know someone that is that guy.

So let’s get started, but let’s work in reverse for a second and go over what wingman-ing isn’t. It is just as important to know “What it ain’t” as well as “what it is” ya dig?

First, it ain’t the wingman’s job to bring you the pussy, and put it on your plate. Many a dudes have come up asking me to hook them up with some chicks, just like that.

“Hey Ken, can you hook me up with some chicks?”

Get the fuck outta here with that shit! Dudes these days are under the impression that chicks are just DTF off the rip(down to fuck for the uninformed).  News flash, just cause your mans ‘andem got it like that with a crew of females does not mean that they are down to fuck at a drop of a dime or  more importantly, that they are down to fuck YOU at a drop of a dime. Take yo thirsty ass elsewhere with that.

And even if they were and did, they not inviting you to the party for the simple fact that you’re asking to come.

Second, a wingman is not your bomb dismantling device. This can be a little confusing, see there is a difference between your homeboy backing your play on the double date and you knowingly knowing that the chicks friend is the B.U.F.F.*

This is BROTHERHOOD

See, you wrong for that! With holding info is already not the move, expecting your homeboy to stick around after there has been visual confirmation on the BUFF, you asking for too much. To blame your homeboy cause you didn’t get laid, because he didn’t keep some B.U.F.F occupied, you need to have ya ass beat.

Twice.

Now if you told your wingman that this was the deal and he ends up in a situation with a B.U.F.F that he can’t get out of well…that’s why we have man night, to laugh and talk about such things!

Third, the wingman is not your whipping boy. This pisses me off more than unknowingly being placed in the  bomb dismantler position. See, after the fact, bomb dismantling is fun. Hell if you roll with a crew of folks and if you all don't have a story that y'all laugh about involving "Taking One For The Team", "Diving on Grenades" and so forth and so on, I may have to call shenanigans on the existence of you all as a crew all together. 

See what you have to understand is this,hating on your homeboy in an effort to make yourself look like a BOSS in front of some chick/s, is the utter definition of a DICK MOVE.  Don’t get me wrong, the story about how your homeboy bent a fat chick over and went to town during karaoke or even the same homeboy letting fat chicks rub all over his chest at karaoke while singing “I want you to want me", being told is ok. Why is that shit is ok? Cause it is funny before it is offensive, and as long as he is laughing you haven’t crossed any lines. 

What is not and by not I mean never ok is making your homeboy look bad or set him up for the okey doke so you can appear to be clever. 

  For instance, there was this one night where me and some people were out and about. This dude was trying so hard to get these chicks to notice him, he actually resorted to asking me questions just to cut me off and throw it back to the chick that wasn't interested in him in the first place to answer, acting as though he valued her opinion so much as to cut off your's truly!!!!!

 As if she would be impressed at a man’s ability to be a DICK.

FUCKOUTTAHEREWITDAT SON!!!!

Can't Win If You Don't Play

Now I’m sure I can go even further and establish some other behaviors, but you get the point. Fact is even if you have a wingman, you still got to get into the fight, you still have to acquire your target, and you have to take a shot.

Otherwise your wingman is going to hit you with a reversal.

While we can talk about what being a wingman’s job isn’t all day long. Sometimes your wingman is doing too much. Doing too much is a lot like not doing anything at all, because it will all achieve the same outcome.

FAILURE

A wingman that is doing too much is not THE MOVE at all.

It's Only Cool For a Second

When a wingman is doing too much, it looks more like competition than co-operation. They start to think of how they can get ahead instead of how we can all win. Now, I am not going to sit here and say that I have never competed against another man or men for a woman, I am not even saying that I will not in the future. What I am saying is that if you and a man that you would call brother are competing over the same chick, you all both run the serious risk of losing everything, all at once. On top of all that, the both of you end up giving this chick the big head. See, every woman was to be competed over, but no woman wants to be some  prize to be won. So you start competing in public with your bro, you both will lose, and she will be queen of sheba...at least for the night.

This is just going to get your feet wet, part two we are going to look at what makes a good wingman, and some factors to consider, and we will touch base on the "fabled female wingman" or would it be a "wingperson". Hell to be honest, when did men need other women to pick up women in the first place? 

Oh, so if you are into the other elements of social media add me on instagram @KenNitro.

*B.U.F.F. is a term I picked up from a female friend of mind that means “Butt Ugly Fat Friend”. Don’t get mad at me, women are always supporting each other when I am talking shit, so if a chick tells me some shit that is degrading to women on any level, I am taking it and running with it.

KenNitro Vs. The Facility: I Can Do This All Day or HATERS MAKE ME FAMOUS

So I wrote a blog…and what happened is that someone at the facility felt some sort of way about it. Personally, I don’t care. Let me say it again,

I don’t care.

Oh if you are new to this little slice of the interweb you can find the blog in question in its entirety here*

Anyway, so I wrote this blog back in February, and everything that I wrote all the way up to when I hit the post button, was some of the realest shit I ever wrote. What I did not take into consideration was that eyes were watching.

I don’t care.

Got to let your next move be
ya best move!

See, but what is interesting is that I was made an offer that I couldn’t refuse. I remember speaking with my Big Brother and Mentor, Dr. Octagon about the change in my work situation, and he was like, “I want to congratulate you, but you don’t seem excited.  At the time, I was apprehensive to be excited. So we just settled on being happy that we were making some more money.  I mean, more money is better than money, and money is better than no money. 

This was in March.

Now, I will admit I haven’t posted anything since February for a few reasons, which I will get into later, but the prominent one was that I knew I was going to have to readjust my writing style as it concerns the facility. With a shake of a hand, and stroke of a pen, KenNitro was catapulted to a new high,

And the haters had not only fired off their first rounds, but they had reloaded.

At the time, I hadn’t even got into this new mode yet, and the whisper campaign had already begun.  Some people I knew ahead of time, were out to get me.

Well, folks may say, “Ken, do these folks really have that much of a hard on for you, and your destruction?”

My response would be, “Go and ask them, and when you tell me, we will both know”, but the thing is

I don’t care.

So, while I was settling into this new vehicle that I am driving I got an email, from the “Man Behind The Curtain” Scott Merrit Himself. This was strange, I rarely speak to the man, and now I am getting an email, about a meeting, that none one else knows about.

Yeah right, people knew, but for some reason telling me what subject of the meeting was about before I go had to have been punishable by death or listening to justin beiber. I hold none of my (direct)bosses, at fault, after all, you were doing what you were told.

So, I get to the jump off and here I am sitting across from “The Man Himself” and we just sat there.

Now I can’t tell you what was on his mind, but I can tell you what I did.

I read the room.

Dude’s desk looks like organized confusion, while I am sure he knows where and what everything is, so I can’t figure out what he is wanting to talk with me about, but he got right into it.

“Ken, I read your blog”

My response was genuine, “Which one?”

It was this one here.

To be honest, I don’t think he actually cared about my blog. Too be honest, I don’t think my blog was even on his radar, until one of the haters put him on to it. Even then, from the time that I posted the blog to the time that he and I sat down to have a chat about it was almost two months.

Two months.

I See You Lookin

I am going to go out on a limb and say that, “The Boss of All Bosses” has other shit to do with his day besides read my blog.

Unlike some of his underlings, they are probably reading this right now :-)

So as we speak, I realize that not only does he not care, but he is really speaking to me because other folks keep running and telling. I can imagine the conversation goes something like this:

BOSS: Yes, what is it now?

Hater: Ken…He’s doing it again!!!

BOSS: Doing what?

Hater: He writin’bout , but he dont call it that, he calls it the facility!

BOSS: Ok

Hater: Annnnd, he be talkin bout work! He be talkin all about work!!!

BOSS: Well does he mention anyone by name?

Hater: Naww, but he be changin’um

BOSS: Does he talk about any work related incidents?

Hater: Yeah, YEAH, he be talkin bout work all the time, but.. I’s not real sure bout what he be talkin bout

BOSS: I don’t care.

I understand his position, see he has these bitch as haters that run tell that, and him not caring isn’t good enough for these bitch ass haters, these bitch ass haters start running their pie holes and this meeting was less about me and my blog and more about him addressing it with me so he can tell these bitch ass haters to fall back.

So he can get some real work done.

We sat and talked for about an hour, about my blog in general, the blog in question, and how I was adjusting to life on the otherside.

Haters, you played your best and it wasn’t good enough. I suppose you  were hoping I would get my feelings hurt, or maybe get a verbal beat down. Possibly a re-enactment of this scene here

I am not going to lie, I wouldn't be upset at all if this scene was re-enacted.

We all know that you people would not be satisfied with that, to satisfy the blood lust of these harpies one needs something more physical they would be pleased as pie if it was this!

HAHAHAAHAHA

I am laughing cause it's true. This is really what they want. It's no fun if you never see'em sweat right? See the thing is, none of the above happened. Not even close. That's why I haven't posted anything until now and even then I am still talking about this right here

My blog is not going anywhere, the previous one is staying up in it's entirety, you can troll my facebook, you can request all the friendships, use other peoples logins, hell you can even call up ex girlfriends for the dirt. COME AT ME BRO!!!!

I don't care.

This above interview pretty much how I see myself dealing with any of you, if any of you were actually bold enough to make yourself known.

Instead of accepting defeat, you just tried harder. Which demonstrates more of your desperation than your will to win, keep in mind,

I don’t care.

I did on the other hand post a challenge, to further demonstrate how bitch ass, these bitch ass haters are. This is what was on my facebook page on may 3^rd

"...Ken whats up with all the hater statuses?..." I got asked that today. My response is that the haters/groupies/malcontents or whatever you want to call them do not rest. for instance, I get pulled to the side because one of you Facility folks has a problem with my ode to the tv show hell on wheels, get a life. Seriously, I will buy you lunch if you man up and reveal your identity in a PM. HELL I WILL CUT MY HAIR, if you post in the comment section who you are and let the world see who it is. Come at me bro!”

Look at that, I call them out, I give them a chance to attain IMMORTALITY, as the individual that made me cut my hair. Hell, they looked to get lunch and LEGENDARY status, all in one swoop. All they had to do was step out into the light. They did none of the sort, as I expected.

Coward(s). I know you are not alone.

The best part is that I know who you are.

And when one of the rank and file told me your name, I laughed, mainly because I was not surprised. Hell, it would almost be funny, if you were not so sad in the first place. I leave you with a quote from one of the greatest martial artist ever.

"Death comes for us all...but when you die it will be something much worse comes for you, for when you die, it will be without honor" Master Hamato Yoshi(see what I did right there)

So please, continue your campaign.  I don’t care. Run and tell everything. I don’t care.

Yours Truly,

“The Walkin’ Boss” KenNitro.