Valentine’s Day Massacre: GETDAFUCKOUTTAHERESON!!!!

I mean this from the bottom of my heart

Seriously, this is by far the worse holiday. You don’t get paid for it, you spend entirely too much on it, and the magnitude of not participating is…well you will never hear the end of it for the rest of the year.  Let’s be honest, this holiday is a lot like diamonds, it only means something if you give it value. Seriously why are diamonds worth anything outside of any industrial value?

Diamonds are not rare, they are not difficult to procure as it relates to other minerals, they aren’t unbreakable…they break, they are just the hardest naturally occurring substance, which is cool, but seriously we have put a man on the moon, before the smartphone was invented. We have turned grown men into hobbits, and host of other innovations that make us way smarter than the people that originally banged some rocks together to make fire (I guess…).  The fact of the matter of is man has created substances that are harder than diamonds, and that diamonds, valentine’s day, and the people that place value on these rocks, are all dumb.

DUMB.

B*tch, Can You Just Be Happy?

Just like women that get pissed when their men don’t come correct on this one particular day want to piss and moan about it for the next 365 days as if this one day is enough to cover that spread. I mean for real, if a guy can treat a woman like a doormat, punching bag, or even a dumb, deaf, and blind woman that owns a liquor store for 364 days and then on one day VIOLA!!! All is forgiven?

COMEONGETTHEFUCKOUTOFHERE!!!!!!!

Women, I need you to understand this, men are constantly skating the fine line of happiness and insanity when it comes to their personal relationships. I mean, let’s be honest, we want you to be happy even if you are bat shit crazy, we want you to be happy, and I have to say that if all you want is one night of appreciation and dedication in excess in lieu of all the other stuff, just say so.

Whatever IT is...Get It Done Already

Did you know in Korea there is a day called white day, it’s like valentine’s day in reverse, where the woman is suppose to get the man a present, but it ends up being another opportunity to capitalize on the desire of men to get a few days or weeks, whatever comes first, of peace and serenity in their personal household. That’s another thing, why is this particular day so dependent on the dude? Seriously, women are making their own money, playing their own games, why not project manage these particular days? Think of the leverage you would get ladies!!!!

Best Holiday EVA!!!!

Men in the end only want a few things , the biggest being a blowjob that we don't have to ask for, but second to that would be to have their ego stroked just a little bit.  It’s not hard, just say we something we did was awesome. 

Anyway

You know valentines day, like everything is rooted in a pagan celebration, just like christmas(for all you Christians out there). This particular day, the one where all you ladies are getting ready to get pampered or get mean, is dedicated to “lupa-the She Wolf”, can you dig that? Now there would be a huge party, like always, and men would run around wearing bloody goat skins, hitting women with goat skins to promote fertility or in modern terms, getting it in.

And Baby, Baby, Baby the Romans knew how to throw a party.

This is Where Your V-days Cards Should Go

See on the 15 of February(the 14 is actually kinda boring), all the names of single ladies were thrown in a box and all the men’s names were thrown into another one, they got matched up and they had to kick it with each other for the entire year! Talk about no man left behind!!!

Wait now, you know Valentine’s Day has a little something for everybody now…take Cupid for instance. Cupid is accepted world wide as a symbol for V-day cause he flies around and shoot people with an arrow then they get all ready for business with whoever they look at.

CHOMO's Delight

Cupid is derived from the latin word cupido which means desire, so when you boil it down this kid is supposed to “raise desire” in grown folks…wait for it

Did you know that Nimrod, the grandson of Noah(you know, the guy that built the ark), was also called cupid, and his mother loved her baby boy. It is said, that Nimrod’s mom desired her son so much she married him, and on inscriptions of statues in Egypt it is said, “Husband of his own mother”…wait for it

Nimrod had them women eating out of his hand, being referred to as the “desire of women” a child. So many women got all “heated” any idol of him was called the  very image of jealousy. So you mean to tell me that a grown folk was all about a kid way back then…wait for it

GETTHEFUCKOUTTAHERESON!!!!

Cupid and all depictions of him are nothing more than child pornography.

I'm just like the one
on the left

I'm just like the one
on the right

Yeah, Yeah, I know, that was then this is now, but as its original purpose was one of porn.  I mean, if you are saying that given enough time anything can be considered art, then by the time I am 80 years old there will be no real difference between the Iliad and the adventures of Pluto Nash? 

GETTHEFUCKOUTTAHERESON!!!!

Ok, let’s move forward to something else, namely the valentine’s day cards that we all get from coworkers, children, family members and what not…they have that story about that guy whose last name was valentine and he got put in jail for holding wedding ceremonies cause there was a ban on them because the men were getting married to avoid military service, and he started crushing on the jailors wife and sending her kites that said, “From your Valentine”

That is the Catholic version of the box game that the Romans use to do!!! And by catholic version I mean the version with all the fun taken out of it.

Seriously people, this day along with Christmas is filled with so many pagan traditions that the church remixed to fit in with what their agenda was it is not even funny.  The catholic church actually dropped the holiday from their calendars in the 60’s(just like the rest of us should), and it is really just another commercial holiday…

The good news about the church dropping it from the calendar is that the world can get back to brass tax about what this day is really about,  SPENDING MONEY AND HAVING SEX!!!!!

So good luck, protect yourselves at all time, and remember, be sweet!