“Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.”
-Friedrich Nietzsche
A friends facebook status on bullying, and from the responses of the parents all seem to think that teachers and administrators don’t seem to have a handle on the definition of a bully, much less the different types of bullying behavior. So what we end up having is a big ol cluster fuck of “Who is” and “What is” and “How is” going on, with everyone looking to place the blame and no one looking to find or create the solution. Seriously a RICCO case and proving bullying takes about the same amount effort.
It’s aight though!
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| GET SOME!!! |
KenNitro, full time awesome/Killer, part-time child behavior modification specialist, and strength based from my ten deadly toes to the tippy top of my AFRO, has the answer to the question:
How does my child deal with bullies?
Wait, before we even go into that, let me go ahead and put it out there, that I do not have any kids of my own, nor was I bullied as a kid, picked on yeah, but who wasn’t, but I am real live rock and roller who rolls with a wild bunch of like minded individuals that are quick go in, get it in, and defend our parking lot titles against any and all who want 100% of our attention. By no means am I a bully, I am something much, much worse.
I’m an asshole.
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| They Came To Fight, We Came To Turn The Volume Up! |
If you want to do it the right way parents, it is going to be time consuming emotionally frustrating and I can’t promise it will even get the results you are looking for, but the children involved, parents, teachers, administrations will all know that you will not put up with some aspect of their job description interfering with the educational advancement of your college bound child. To be honest, this route does not guarantee victory, but it is the most honorable.
First is that when your child comes home and tells you that he/she is having issues with another kid, tell your kid to try to work it out through some sort of non-confrontational way. You have to do it in real life, and they might as well start learning now, and if that doesn’t work have your same kid tell the teacher what the deal is and hopefully the teacher will step in with the authority that the state has given them to teach kids and hold kids accountable to basic expectations in their classrooms. Now if that isn’t working, this is when the parents step in and ask for a conference with the teacher and principal and ask them open ended questions like, “So what is your solution to this issue we are having?” and “How do these disruptions effect your ability to teach, and what can my child do differently” If none of that works then I would suggest having a sit down with the other kids parents, and both parties can show their offspring how adults handle situations so they can have some positive behavior to emulate in the future.
If parents can say that they have done all of that, and kept their own egos in check during the whole process then you have given the universe all it ask in terms of karma’s repercussions, and if the results were not as you hoped, then an only then would I co-sign a child’s throwing hands with another at school.
The funny part is no parent wants to go this route. See what is going to happen is that everyone’s ego is going to get involved and the issue is going to go from kids not getting along to parents not getting along and then it is going to be an issue that has nothing to do with the kids and everything to do with the fact that the parents and administration can’t act like adults.
See now let me tell you something before we go any further, once you co-sign this there is no coming back. Whatever happens after that first punch is thrown; you by default are ok with it and anything else that comes from it. The cave entrance will have crumbled on you and the way out is the way through.
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| I am a pacifist, because I have the option to be one! |
So I am going to give you a KenNitro Anti-bully methodology that if done correctly will ensure that your child’s respect at school from their peers increases enough to be moved from the bully column to the “Leave me the fuck alone group”.
1. 1. No Bluffing, this is always the first mistake. Once you get up out of your chair or take a stand there can be no hesitation only action.
2. 2. Don’t pick up chairs or swing things like book bags, these items require too much commitment and without a proper follow-up, this will not go well for your child.
3. 3. A well placed sucker punch is much better than the aforementioned rules, the best time to sucker punch anyone is always when they are not looking, now if you want to utilize any of the aforementioned items in the second point, then fine. Following up the sucker punch with a chair shot is acceptable
4. 4. Fight as if losing never happens. Sometimes a war of attrition is exactly what needs to happen.
5. 5 .Make them bleed. If you go this route you can’t just beat the bully, you have to destroy the bully, that way they will remember what they are going to have to endure if they choose to continue this beef, and their friends will have to be willing to endure what their bully friends have if they decide to get into it.
6. 6. Talk shit while you are doing it, this is for everyone else really. Once you remove the bully’s support system, it will no longer benefit the bully to continue to focus on you.
7. 7. Go in on the bully’s friends (see rule 4), find the weakest one and beat the shit out of him for his support (see rule 5), then move up the ladder. As you do this, the bully’s lieutenant will realize that this war is not worth it and the bully is going to follow the advice of the lieutenant because his ego is not at stake.
The fact is, if you tell your child things like, “Handle your business” or “If someone gets in your face, you better not back down” or my personal favorite, “If you lose a fight at school, you are going to lose another one when you get home” Then good luck to you. Chances are, you are the type of parent that will also tell your child that you are not sending them to school to get into fights, but to learn.
Don't you think that is just a little bit confusing?
If you think that the school isn’t going to do anything, then be prepared to support your child’s actions and if he/she does not follow the seven steps that I just outlined, then well they are going to fail, and by fail I mean get the crap beat out of them hard and often and if they succeed they will probably end up expelled from school, and you will only have yourself to blame mom and dad cause instead of modeling a behavior that will set a positive example of conflict resolution, you wanted to prove a point.
Victory without honor, is no victory at all.
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