KenNitro Vs The Facility: I Lied To Myself

Last year, I can't really even say when but a friend of mine by the name of Jimmy James Jordan made a suicide pact. The deal was that if we were working at the Facility by the end of the summer we were going to kill ourselves. The best part was that the big homie Furious George overheard the conversation and was like, "Dude can I get in on that?"

I know, joking about suicide is never the right thing to do, but If you work were I work at the seriously inappropriate, becomes seriously funny. Truth is, work wasn't fun anymore.

And here is why.

See working on the island, a name that I came up with in order to talk about work without the haters finding out, We brought order to chaos and brought civility to the savages. For almost 2 years we kept it in check without a leader or supervisor or any of those things that sometimes ruin a good time.

Now, this is going to go all over the place but in the end, it is going to all make sense.

One day, in a side conversation I am told that an individual who is considered "Strong Staff"(basically someone that is able and capable) was making a move to another department and that I should keep that to myself because "them folks"(quite possibly the people in charge of the department that they were moving from) were unaware of the head fake. At the same time rumors of a team leader position opening up on the island, thunderdome, and the berry. See, them folks had already removed one of the island's best and moved him over there as the team leader, the person that they wanted to be on the berry actually turned it down, and the island chosen leader had an issue with a background check so they were back to square one.

At this point everyone on this island, decided to apply for this job, considering the fact that we all have been working solidly together, and that no one(including the kids)wanted to have to deal with an outsider coming in trying to take over. The crazy part was that no one got an interview.

STOP

You mean to say, that a whole department of people, who them folks would point out that we have more experience collectively on campus than any other real, no one got an interview?

Ok, so they hire this guy, nice guy. Really good friends with the person that I mentioned earlier that gave me the low down on about that strong staff moving to a different department. I basically trained him to be my boss, I say basically cause for a hot second no one wanted to work with him period.

Ken's a team player

While all of this was going on, yours truly was trying to get in as a CSI(community support individual)because it paid more, gave me more control of my hours, and I would get to work with kids individually. To be honest, everyone I know that knows me was soooo supportive of that move, but for the longest time I could not get that interview. I had all the main parts, two years working direct care, psych/soci degree(I have a minor), but the fact was I had all the puzzle pieces. So what was the deal?

Apparently, Eric Banks, the gentlemen that was my boss, allegedly would purposely ask CSI not hire people from direct care, due to the long process of hiring, training, and cultivating "Strong Staff". He didn't want them leaving the units for a job that paid more, less hours, more control of your life. And somehow all of this was suppose to be a testament as to how good I was on the unit, that I can't leave cause I am sooooooo good at my job.

BITCH PLEASE

So I finally got an interview for the CSI gig, and if you ask me I killed it. Hell, that is the only info I know cause afterwards I didn't hear anything else about it, NO FEEDBACK, positive or negative. It is like I just sat in this chicks office and shot the shit about how awesome I am, how I have a positive rapport with all of the kids, and how that because I live close in the community I am available and capable of showing kids alternative and positive ways of dealing with society.

The best part is that the person doing the hiring sees me in the hallway weeks later with shit to say to me. That's fine, I know what it is. One of the people that I trust the most at work advised me to follow up with her and see what's going on, but I can't do that.

I already have a job here.

If I was trying to get in then me calling and following up would be a top priority, but I am already on the payroll. It takes all of 10 minutes out of the day to say, "Ken, kick rocks" or "Ken, you in" and get dat thang moving, but instead you want to look me in the eye and act as if I never interviewed for the shit.

"Ken, you are entirely to brilliant to work here"- Brother Swanson
"Ken, I never did half the shit you did, but I have gotten twice the credit for it"- Coach
"Ken, the problem is that you do stuff that gets you respect from your coworkers, but not the people in the front office" Todd da bodd

Not my words, but the words of people I work with.

We haven't even gotten to the GOOD SHIT yet.

Ok, so after I came back from vacay out there in San Francisco with the big home Mean Gene Lantern, I came back to find my schedule looking like this: 7am-10am Monday-Friday with an 7-3 shift on saturday and sunday off. I was originally like, "Oh yall trying to set a nigga up fo the okey doke" See, I've seen this before. The supervisor on the island before the shift in reality once took me off the schedule for two weeks and then was trying to fill out "job abandonment" paperwork cause I took the time off to go out of town for a LOOONNNGGG MINUTE. So when I see this, I start thinking geometrically. No one at the facility ever gets fired for one particular thing. What happens is that they make the decision to fire you over an issue, and then six or so months later they have The Good King come and do the dirty work, and that is if they at least respect you. The other option is that they wait for you to mess up just enough, and then they over play their hand and the only way they can clean it up is to hit you with the "You've been late to work" program.

So you know what I did?

I acted on the situation, but did not react to it.

And this is what happened.

I endeared myself to the people around me. Everyone was happy that there was a person that was able and capable(at the same damn time), the kids were upset to have a second shift GOD OF WAR live and in color early in the morning, but they learned to love it. There is a difference between "The staff" and "THE STAFF". So I would work these punk ass three hour shifts to death, and with very little clock riding...I mean cause I still had the rest of the day to do whatever I wanted. Granted, I had shift a few priorities, but I bought my TV and Xbox knowing a day would come where the only entertainment I could afford would be netflix and video games.
So I rode this out until I got an answer to the question about this totally crazy shift. As it turned out, they were needing a 5th person and they didn't want to put anyone new in that slot and the GOOD KING knew that if  I didn't like it I would tell him, but you know what happened.

I loved it.

Then my co-worker whom for the most part never had much to say to me started to get along and it was good, then she got fired.

So this threw my strange 7am-10am shift, that I was able to totally hang with the TRUTH CREW during got turned into a 7-3 monday through friday. So I am working this job that I have now been thrown into and when it finally came up to apply for I really didn't feel any sort of way about it, until one of the nurses stopped me in the hallway and told me how she felt like I was doing a great job and that I should definitely apply for the position. So I did, I figured if someone actually went out of their way to give me a compliment, I must be doing something right.

So I apply for it

Like I tend to do with any opportunity. I feel like I am a shoe in due to the fact that I am already working the job, I have great relationships with the people that are already in that position, the unit itself has improved with my added presence, and I would finally get a schedule that would allow me to get back to what I love, doing the MARTIAL ARTS. So while all this is happening, word on the street is that they already have who they want chose, and the fix was in! Now, I love honesty, and if that is what it is, let me know, there is no point in fighting a battle if there is ABSOLUTE ZERO chance of winning, unless you want your feelings hurt.

So I asked the Good King what the deal was, and he assured me that to the best of his knowledge the fix was not in and if it was in, he would tell me. That's what I love about that man, no homo.

I turn in all the necessary paperwork, and now I wait, and this is where the fuckery came into play.

The downside to this job was a pay cut, which didn't bother me, because I get paid in peanut shells anyway. So the idea of half of my peanut shells being small rocks was not a big deal to me. However, this was a deal breaker for another candidate...See, there is absolutely no way I can write the next paragraph without me feeling like I am actually hurting someones feelings. I know, I know, I can write what I want and they probably won't see it, but how people feel about the stuff I do has never really concerned me. How I feel about how I do things on the other hand is a big percentage of what I do, so I am going to skip to the interview part of the story.

So on the day of the interview, I brought my favorite purple button down, I normally roll the sleeves up and wear my favorite black cuff, in my rapture jeans and square toes, I am nothing short of unstoppable. I came dressed in the Strength Based Uniform, black shirt, jeans, and sneakers. See I come to work to work, not impress, and if I wear it to work, that means I am okay with it being ripped, spit, bleed, etc. The funny part is that every time I was about to go suit up, I ended up having to hold some kid cause of some issue. I am looking at the clock and I have 10 minutes to get up the hallway, but right now I got this kid held and he refuses to utilize some coping skills so I can go attempt to do something with MY LIFE...breathe out.

So after I get this kid right, I show up to the interview still rockin the Strength Based Uniform, and I explain that I had planned to dress up for this interview, but I just got out of my second hold this morning. We shared a polite laugh at the lunacy of actually trying to plan anything if you work in mental health and we got right into the interview.  Now, if there is one thing in this world I am good at, is the interview. I have legit answers, shared experience, and a personality that compliments any work environment. I felt as though no of the questions were pertinent to the job, my favorite was, "Why do you want to be a CCWI" (don't worry about what that means), and my response was simple but profound. I didn't know I wanted to be one until I was put in that position when my coworker was fired, and all the positive feedback I was getting got me thinking that this was a good move for me to make. Now, the inevitable question came early,


 "You are flex(part-time), and you have had chances to go full time before, why now?"

Hell, aside from the fact that the hours are awesome and I would be able to live some semblance of a life I am accustomed too, I actually create a positive environment on any unit I work on, who do you think named the island the island? Who was the go to guy for the thunderdome way back when? Me, that's who. That and the fact that as a part time employee I can dictate my own vacation, without having to go through the red tape because in theory I am only suppose to work as needed, but the twist is that mental health has such a high turnover rate, and strong staff(capable and able)are so hard to cultivate, the smart move is to always keep me on the squad, otherwise you risk chaos on the shift.

Now apparently during one of their meetings about this whole situation my dedication to the job came into question, see even though I work, 40 hrs a week, outlasted around 12-15 other "full time" people working in the thunderdome, and done some amazing things single handidly, is not enough to prove my worthiness for a position that would ultimately make me happy.

FUCK OUTTA HERE

So I finish the interview and go on about my day.

A week later the lady that interviews me comes while I am doing the job that I just recently applied for and tells me that they went with the other candidate due to seniority. What? I can't even begin to articulate how I felt when I was given this bowl of bullshit, but I just remembered a lesson I learned as a kid which was,"If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all". So I just responded with, "Oh, okay". So now when the guy that got the job that everyone applied for, that no one got interviewed for came into work, I casually told him who the new CCW1 was and why they were chosen over me. He looked at me and said,"Well she has been here a while". I very calmly looked at him and said, "If seniority really meant anything around here, I would have YOUR job". He looked at me sighed and said, "yeah that's true".  I left early that day. I was real life upset, and if you know me, you know that I don't apologize for anything I say, because I meant it when I said it, and I was in a real truth telling mood.

Now, let me say this, I do not in any way hold the individual that got the job over me responsible for any of this. After all, they applied for a job, just like me.  What I am upset is the fact that I lied to myself was about the fix being in. I lied to myself thinking that hard work, being reliable, a team player, and all of that jazz would pay off in the end. Remember how earlier I mentioned how I was just patient enough to find out what was up with such a weird ass schedule in the first place. Well, I found out how I became collateral damage on an even bigger fix, but I can't write about what will happen, just what already has.

So what does this mean to you, the reader, if you actually got this far?

I don't know. I personally just want to work at a job where I can be creative and not have to fall victim to the political bullshit at a job. I want a job where a manager or leader or whoever is not afraid of my desire to make things better, because of how threatened they feel.  I do know this though, I am done applying for Jobs at the facility. Hell, I am done with working past my potential there, I am actually done with that place all together.

And thus my journey begins again.