As I am sure in any profession, sometimes your job gets in the way of the real work. The youths I am in charge of come from a myriad of backgrounds, but one thing is even across the board from the oldest to the youngest and even surpassing socio-economic boundaries:
These kids will in fact break bad on you, and you have to be ready.
Now I don’t work in a war-zone, most days don’t even seem like work but it all balances out. When these kids can no longer control their behavior, they have to be handled so they do not injure themselves or others. This is no secret and anyone that works at the facility is well aware of the possibility of getting into a hold. Normative culture throughout the facility has changed the context of the word, “Restraint” and “Hold”, but regardless you are going to get one so my advice to all the neo’s is hurry up and get you two or three really quick.
Let the children know that you are not only, not afraid but you are willing to do the paperwork. Peace through strength, strength through consistency of actions, thought, word, and deed. In the end, the children will thank you for it.
Consistency sometimes equals safety
Recently, a new kid was brought to us. They were different because there was almost no “honeymoon” phase. The actions of this child were completely unnecessary.
But I am looking at it from the wrong angle.
See, when these kids act out, it is not always a reaction to external stimuli, a lot of times it is a manifestation of their own inner turmoil, expressed through the medium of violence. The only way these kids know to express their feelings of fear, anger, and frustration is to destroy. It’s like a pressure valve, these kids in an attempt to control their anger and behavior hold it in. They will hold it in and in and in, until they have to release the pressure so they can make it through the rest of the day.
The kid in questions was restrained several times in less than two weeks, why they felt the need to act out is beyond me, but if I had to guess I would say that the establishment of boundaries was necessary in order for him to feel safe.
Here is the logic:
I am new à I don’t want to be bullied àI will bully others to avoid this àMr. Kenneth’s tolerance of bullies is abnormally low à I am not allowed to bully others à No one is going to bully me, I am safe
Makes sense sort of?
So now, after we establish that particular standard of living we had to adjust some other aspects of this kids attitude, but I can say with all confidence that he and I have an understanding that keeps the day going smooth.
There was another instance where a child got into a restraint and for several minutes attempted to best me and a co-worker in a battle of wills. As soon as the child exerted all of their energy, they very calmly said, “Ok, I’m done. Y’all can let me up, I just needed to burn off some energy”
I was like WHAT!!!! DUDE, I could have taken you outside later today, but instead you want to create paperwork for me! They apologized and went to their rooms.
In my opinion restraints and the ability to restrain is an important part of the therapeutic process, the kids at the facility have lived lives without boundaries and without the forethought of consequences of their actions. The short-term consequences for positive and negative actions are just as important as the long term consequences. We all want the kids to do the right thing and not the wrong thing, but not because there is a reward or punishment, but because the right thing is always the right thing to do.
But of course, others disagree.
Numbers are always a favorite topic of leadership, we had “x” amount of these and “x” amount of those etc. The leadership’s favorite number for restraints is always ZERO, mine too. The difference is that they only like that number, and I am ok with numbers 1-5.
A child getting into a restraint is a child’s expression, in order to avoid a child getting into a restraint, we must show the child alternate ways of coping with their negative emotions while waning them off of the one copping skill that they have only known.
Violence
I sometimes get communications from the facility’s overlords about how they want us to use more de-escalation techniques to avoid restraints with kids. Ok, but this creates a different kind of logic. Remember (x= person)
I am angry at(x)àI am not allowed to harm(x)àMr. Kenneth’s tolerance of this behavior is abnormally high, because he has spoken to me more than three times about not harming(x)àI will now throw everything not nailed to the ground in order to express myself,àMr. Kenneth has allowed me to do so,àI run this facility
While doing this will in fact create the number ZERO, it will also create a shift in the perception of power.
The shift in the perception of power(among other things), is what got them here in the first place.
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